By Gary Bennett
Valentine’s Day is nice, but because real life happens, Feb. 21 is National Breakup Day. It should be no surprise. It comes only one week after the big day because, you know, love can be fleeting.
This anti-est of Valentine’s Day is sad, sure, but necessary. Who among us has never had trouble ridding ourselves of that certain someone who seems to just hang on and won’t take no for an answer?
Despite your protests, you might need help in this area. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but the day might come when you’ll find yourself hiding in the bushes rather than spending another evening with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
Here are my Top 10 Breakup Songs for your life-skills pleasure. I know what you’re thinking, but no, I’m actually happily married. Keep in mind, though, I’m an older guy who enjoys rock and pop tunes from the ‘60s, ‘70s and ’80s, so that’s what you’re getting here.
As I’m sure you know, breakup songs come in two flavors. There are the “I’m so sad we broke up, I’m just going to wallow in it” songs and the “please go away” songs. This list is comprised of the latter. Enjoy your breakup!
1. HIT THE ROAD, JACK
Ray Charles, 1960
This classic from a legendary artist is a verbal jousting match between a frustrated woman and a no-good man.
“Now baby, listen baby, don’t ya treat me this way, ‘cause I’ll be back on my feet someday, don’t care if you do ‘cause it’s understood, you ain’t got no money, you just ain’t no good.”
2. DON’T GO AWAY MAD (JUST GO AWAY)
Motley Crue, 1990
The hard rockers were at their peak with this gleeful, sleeper hit.
“Seasons must change, separate paths, separate ways, girl, don’t go away mad, just go away.”
3. ONE LESS SET OF FOOTSTEPS
Jim Croce, 1973
The mustachioed, blue-collar rocker shows the door to his old squeeze in no uncertain terms.
“If that’s the way that you want it, well that’s the way I want it more, ‘cause there’ll be one less set of footsteps on your floor in the morning.”
4. GO YOUR OWN WAY
Fleetwood Mac, 1977
Lindsey Buckingham wrote the song about his breakup with fellow band member Stevie Nicks.
“Tell me why everything turned around, packing up, shacking up is all you want to do, you can go your own way.”
5. IT’S OVER
Boz Scaggs, 1976
Scaggs writes about a fed-up lover who has had enough … but not really.
“Why can’t you just get it through your head, it’s over, it’s over now, yes, you heard me clearly, now I said it’s over. It’s over now.”
6. IT’S TOO LATE
Carole King, 1971
This classic from the great ‘60s and ‘70s songwriter tries to gently (maybe too gently) explain why their relationship just isn’t working.
“And it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late. Though we really did try to make it, something inside has died, and I can’t hide, and I just can’t take it.”
7. ALREADY GONE
The Eagles, 1974
The most successful American band struck gold with an early hit that declared victory over a failed relationship.
“So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key, but me — I’m already gone and I’m feelin’ strong.”
8. SMOKE FROM A DISTANT FIRE
Sanford-Townsend Band, 1976
A terrific, rollicking, one-hit wonder song with the best breakup line ever (involving a screen door). It tells the story of an unfaithful girl who is now getting her comeuppance.
“This lying and cryin’ is upsettin’ and gettin’ nowhere. It don’t stack up, so slack up and pack up, I just don’t care. Don’t let the screen door hit you on your way out.”
9. YOU’RE NO GOOD
Linda Ronstadt, 1974
This bluesy version, from early ’70s queen of pop Linda Rondstadt, congratulates herself for finally coming to her senses. She really lets her ex have it.
“Feelin’ better now that we’re through, feelin’ better ‘cause I’m over you. I learned my lesson, it left a scar, now I see how you really are: You’re no good.”
10. RAMBLIN’ MAN
Allman Brothers Band, 1973
These Southern rockers explain they will be leaving soon because it’s in their DNA and can’t be stopped.
“And when it’s time for leavin’, I hope you’ll understand, that I was born a ramblin’ man.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS
• The All American Rejects’ “Gives You Hell”
• Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright”
• Greg Kihn Band’s “The Breakup Song”
• J. Geils Band’s “Love Stinks”
• Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”
• Led Zeppelin’s “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You”
• Marshall Tucker Band’s “Heard it in a Love Song”
• Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”
• Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May”
• Styx’s “Babe”
• Taylor Swift’s “Picture to Burn”
• Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”
• Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”
Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.