By Gary Bennett
Another April Fools’ Day is upon us, and it couldn’t have come at a better time! What? Have you not watched the news lately?
This great American un-holiday features trickery, monkeyshines, hoaxes, shenanigans and hijinks. Why April Fools’ Day is not a federal holiday, I’ll never understand.
April Fools’ Day comes on April 1 each year. No one quite knows why.
Some think it is connected to the vernal equinox, where Mother Nature fools us by changing weather from hot to cold every other day. One thing is for certain, however: Perpetrators must holler “April Fools!” at the end of the joke to clue in the unsuspecting party.
Though the day has purportedly been celebrated for centuries by different cultures, its exact origin remains a mystery. Some historians trace it back to ancient Rome and the appropriately-named festival of Hilaria. Others peg it to medieval France, when some fools couldn’t get the days straight on the newly created Gregorian calendar. (That’s actually pretty harsh. Can you imagine changing calendars today? We get grumpy just turning our clocks back one hour.)
The Brits ran with the concept in the 1700s, often sending people on phony cuckoo bird hunts. Later came “Tailie Day,” which involved pranks such as pinning fake tails or “kick me” signs on unsuspecting back ends.
My family must have lots of English blood. I can vividly remember my unsuspecting mother, who worked overnight at a Celanese plant in the 1970s, coming home with a fibery tail pinned to her derriere seemingly every morning.
My own grandchildren got in on the fun, too, by taping a “kick me” sign to my backside before a trip to the mall. Of course, I knew about it, but that didn’t stop me from playing along and listening to the heartwarming giggles as we strolled along.
The classic April Fools’ jokes of covering the toilet with plastic wrap or swapping the contents of sugar and salt containers are all well and good, but I would like you to think bigger.
To motivate you, here are some of the large-scale, classic April Fools’ jokes executed in recent history. They deserve our solemn respect.
• Swiss TV covered farm workers’ record spaghetti crop, complete with video of people harvesting the noodles from trees.
• George Plimpton reported on a rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch who could throw a ball 168 miles per hour
• An actor portraying Richard Nixon near the end of his life in 1992 announced he was running for president again, to the horror of everyone.
• Taco Bell announced they were purchasing the Liberty Bell and renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.
• MIT engineering students dismantled the dean’s car and reassembled it on the administration building roof.
•••
Not to be outdone, I am happy to relate my own efforts.
Before I do, please note that I am always happy to be the butt of the joke if it embarrasses someone else, preferably my good-natured but long-suffering wife. Also note that shenanigans don’t have to occur on Aprils Fools’ Day, but it helps!
For years, we have vacationed with very good friends in Florida. My buddy and I like to drive, while my wife and his wife prefer to fly. As good and faithful husbands, we always promise to pick them up at the airport, and we do.
For some odd reason that probably dates to my childhood, I delight in dressing up in outrageous costumes to meet my wife and her friend at the airport. I typically have a sign welcoming them to Florida and meet them with exuberant jolliness, much to their chagrin.
The looks on their faces are priceless as I stand in the welcoming line when they emerge from airport security. There is nowhere to hide. Pretending to not know me doesn’t work either. They are putty in my hands.
I have shown up at airports as the following:
• an Italian playboy in short shorts and a jaunty hat
• a cool hippie dude
• an extremely overweight and uncool tourist
• an unemployed biker.
Pro tip, if you are thinking of trying this yourself: Notify airport security before you change into your getup in the men’s restroom. They’re usually not amused, but it’s the right thing to do.
If you’re wondering about my buddy, no, he won’t dress up. But to his credit, he doesn’t try to talk me out of it.
Unfortunately, the cat’s out of the bag for me now, and I’m forced to be more creative. After years of happily flying without me, my wife now begs me to fly with her. If that fails, she has taken to searching the car for suspicious clothing before I depart.
Little does she know, I have costumers up and down the East Coast who are awaiting my call.
Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.
