Leisure – Gary Bennett Publishing

In appreciation: 50 years of Barney Miller

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the April 3, 2025, issue of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

Before there was Barney the dinosaur, there was Barney Miller. (Of course, before that came the undisputed Barney champion of all time, Barney Fife.)

Being the second or third best of anything is not too bad, but the case can be made that “Barney Miller”, a smartly written police comedy from the 1970s and ’80s, was one of the best TV shows ever.

TV Guide sure thinks so. In 2013, it ranked “Barney Miller” No. 46 on its list of the top 60 TV shows of all time. That may not sound like much, but consider that by 2013, over 10,000 TV shows had aired on broadcast or cable TV since the 1940s.

“Barney Miller” premiered on ABC on Tuesday evening, Jan. 23, 1975. It stayed there for eight years, often preceded by another big ABC hit, “Happy Days.” The titular character of the show, Captain “Barney Miller,” was played superbly by handsome, 40-something, ‘70s ‘stache-sporting Broadway actor Hal Linden. He professionally and calmly led a motley bunch of police detectives in the “old one-two” — the 12th Police Precinct in New York City.

The show was created by Danny Arnold and Theodore J. Flicker. Noam Pitlik directed most episodes. “Barney Miller” was never canceled. The producers voluntarily ended production on May 20, 1982, fearing they may begin to repeat story lines. It was never what you might call a smash hit. It was more like comfortable sweatpants you looked forward to slipping on once each week.

The entire series is available for purchase on DVD, and you can even catch two episodes every week night at 9 p.m. on Antenna TV.

“Barney Miller” takes place almost entirely within the confines of the detectives’ squad room and Captain Barney Miller’s adjoining office. Most of the police action happens off-screen. This was the same strategy employed by contemporary sitcom “All in the Family” that took place almost completely within the Bunker’s Queens living room.

The familiar old precinct setting, complete with clutter and grime that seemed immovable over the years, allowed viewers to focus completely on the interplay of the characters — both the starring detectives and guest starring complainants and suspects — to superb effect.

A typical episode featured the detectives of the 12th Precinct bringing in several oddball complainants or suspects to the squad room. Usually, there were two or three separate subplots in each episode, with different officers dealing with different crimes and suspects. Many of the laughs came from the seen-it-all detectives and their handling of the weirdo interlopers.

Captain Miller (Linden) tries to remain sane while leading the 12th Precinct’s detectives. And what a crew they were. This was one of television’s first great ensemble casts.

The cast was led by crotchety, world-weary, Jewish-American Philip K. Fish (played by Abe Vigoda of “The Godfather” fame); naive, excitable but goodhearted Polish-American Stanley “Wojo” Wojciehowicz (played by Max Gail); ambitious, intellectual and slightly arrogant African-American Ron Harris (played by Ron Glass); wisecracking, gambling, poor coffee-making Japanese-American Nick Yemana (played by Jack Soo); and beleaguered Puerto Rican Chano Amanguale (played by Gregory Sierra).

Miller also had to deal with his winking, glad-handing, past his prime, unapologetically old-school superior, Inspector Frank Luger (played wonderfully by character actor James Gregory), and diminutive and toadying uniformed officer Carl Levitt (played by Ron Carey), who constantly badgers Miller about being promoted to detective. Chano and Fish were replaced by intellectual Arthur Dietrich (played by deadpan comedian Steve Landesberg) in season three.

Some typical conflicts and long-running plot lines included Miller’s constant efforts to maintain peace, order and discipline; Harris’ preoccupation with outside interests, especially his novel that he wrote while on the job (“Blood on the Badge”); Fish’s age-related incontinence issues and reluctance to retire; Wojo’s impulsive behavior; Luger’s nostalgia for the old days; Levitt’s eventually successful quest to become a detective; the rivalry between the precinct’s intellectuals, Harris and Dietrich; and reliably bad coffee made by Yemana.

Like many sitcoms, “Barney Miller” took a while to get established and find its bearings. The first season focused much of the time on Barney’s private life at home with wife Liz (played by Barbara Barrie). The show runners soon realized the laughs came from within the precinct and wrote Liz out of the show. Rarely after that did we get a glimpse into any of the detectives’ private lives.

One of my favorite episodes, “Hash,” explored what would happen if the detectives unknowingly ate brownies laced with hashish while on the job. A great line from that episode was delivered when the still sober Captain Miller asked Harris where nearly retired and slow-moving Fish was. Harris slurred, “Last time I saw him, Barn, he was jumping between buildings running down a perp.”

Another favorite was the fifth-season finale “Jack Soo: A Retrospective,” which paid tribute to the late comic actor who was felled by cancer earlier that year. In this episode, the cast, led by Linden, appeared as themselves in the 12th Precinct office as they fondly shared stories and remembrances of their dear friend. At the end of the episode, the cast raised their coffee cups in loving memory of Soo.

Decades after it left the air, “Barney Miller” retains a devoted following including real-life police officers, who appreciate the show’s emphasis on dialogue, believably quirky characters, and its low-key portrayal of cops going about their sometimes-mundane jobs. “Barney Miller” is very possibly the most realistic cop show TV has ever seen.

Inexplicably, none of the actors ever won an Emmy Award (there were many nominations for Linden, Glass and Landesberg), but the show itself was honored many times with writing and directing awards. In its final season of 1982, “Barney Miller” finally won the Emmy for best comedy series after six previous nominations.

Linden (94) and Gail (82) are still alive and fondly remember their time on the show. Linden has told interviewers that he is still occasionally called “Captain” by respectful, working police officers. It’s difficult to imagine anyone else in that role now, but Linden let on recently that only a scheduling conflict prevented Daren McGavin from taking the role.

To this day, “Barney Miller” remains an influential TV show, noted for its ability to tackle tough, timely issues in a lighthearted way.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

Pub Crawling St. Patrick’s Day

By Gary Bennett

Getting an early start on St. Patrick’s Day celebrating at Bushwallers in downtown Frederick are, from left, Donna Brannen, Linda Price and Mary Brill. The restaurant opened to a capacity crowd at 8 a.m. on St. Patrick’s Day in 2023.

This article appears in the March 13, 2025, issue of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

Along with being Irish for a day, “kiss me — I’m Irish” proclamations, and wearing green, for many people, St. Patrick’s Day means it’s time for a pub crawl.

The term “crawl” refers to the slow and steady pace of moving from one bar to the next, as opposed to rushing in and out — although it could also refer to the slower pace of movement as the evening wears on and inebriation sets in. But let’s hope not.

Pub crawls differ from bar hopping because of the organized nature of the event. Bar hopping is spontaneous. Pub crawls are planned. Bar hopping typically takes you to the same old haunts. Pub crawls should take you to places you have never tried. Typically, with crawls, there is a set route to follow from bar to bar.

Crawlers can walk, take taxis or sometimes even a special “pub crawl” bus, and costumes are often encouraged — or at least tolerated.

HISTORY

Inconceivably, pub crawls do not necessarily trace their origins back to St. Patrick’s Day. Other holidays — Halloween, Cinco de Mayo, Christmas and New Year’s Eve — were often used to build pub crawls around. But often, no holidays were needed at all!

By most accounts, pub crawls date back to early 20th-century London, home to closely situated pubs on just about every street. The first pub crawl is credited to Oxford University students in 1910, who visited 18 English pubs in one night to blow off steam and socialize with likeminded colleagues.

Today, much of the civilized world celebrates pub crawls for birthdays, bachelor and bachelorette parties, random get-togethers and yes, St. Patrick’s Day. There are even tour organizers who specialize in pub crawls.

For a pub crawl to be fun and exciting, you need a substantial number of closely situated bars to visit. We are fortunate to have plenty of bars, breweries and distilleries situated in downtown Frederick.

Unfortunately, as of this writing, there are no official pub crawls scheduled for Frederick on March 17. There are many scheduled in D.C., Alexandria, Baltimore and even Westminster and Cumberland.

But Frederick’s lack of a pre-planned pub crawl doesn’t mean you can’t organize your own!

MARKET STREET CRAWL

For your crawling pleasure, here is a suggested list of 10 bars in the downtown Frederick area to visit on St. Patrick’s Day, listed by the most efficient walking route. It stretches for about a mile.

Be sure to check websites for the most up to date information on St. Patrick’s Day specials. Please drink responsibly, go with friends and don’t drink and drive.

1. Begin at Olde Towne Tavern on North Market Street, where parking is plentiful. Olde Towne has a warm, neighborhood-bar feel and features several specials on Monday nights. Happy hour lasts from 4 to 7 p.m. with $1 off all drinks and $5 personal pizzas. Enjoy ping pong, pool, darts and foosball.

2. Head south on Market Street for about two blocks to really get your Irish on at Bushwaller’s, one of Frederick’s two traditional Irish pubs. For early risers, the green-adorned Frederick institution opens at 8 a.m. on March 17 for “Kegs and Eggs.” They will also host live music throughout the day.

3. Turn the corner onto Second Street and head into Frederick’s other Irish pub, Magoo’s. Proprietor Jennifer Daugherty has planned a special St. Patrick’s Day menu with traditional Irish dishes, Guinness on tap, Smithwick’s Irish Ale, Harp Lager and Kilkenny Irish Cream.

Note: Because our two Irish pubs are in such close proximity, the area around Market and Second streets are sure to be packed with humanity, spilling out into the street. Be advised it might be hard to belly up to the bar at either location. You may be better off making a reservation for dinner.

4. Next, turn into Agave 137, less than a block away on North Market. Agave is typically closed on Mondays but will open on St. Patrick’s Day with extended hours.

5. Next up is Shuckin’ Shack Oyster Bar, just steps away from Carroll Creek on North Market and just a block or so from Agave 137. Co-owner Eric Weller has big plans for March 17. They will be hosting their fourth annual fundraiser for muscular dystrophy in conjunction with Frederick Career Firefighters. The event will go on all day, enhanced by live music and a party atmosphere very possibly at the large parking lot right next door.

6. Next door to Shuckin’ Shack is pleasantly named Hootch and Banter. Their lounge is not usually open on Mondays, so please check their website for any St. Patrick’s Day activities.

7. Head just around the corner from Hootch and Banter to try out Frederick’s “pour your own” destination, Frederick Social. Here, you’ll have plenty of room to spread out. With a large patio area and Carroll Creek as a backdrop, you can choose from a selection of dozens of beers, wines and cocktails on tap to toast St. Patrick.

8. After your stop at Frederick Social, turn around, get your bearings, and head back up North Market for one block. Take a slight detour onto East Patrick Street and arrive at JoJo’s Restaurant and Tap House. On March 17, enjoy an all-day happy hour featuring $2 off draft beers, $1 off bottle and can beers, and $2 off all wine by the glass.

9. After JoJo’s, keep walking north on Market Street to a Frederick favorite, Brewer’s Alley, which will offer a “Kegs and Eggs” breakfast buffet along with special drinks and Irish-themed food on St. Patrick’s Day. Their rooftop bar will be open the entire weekend.

10. After Brewer’s, tuck in behind their building to finish your evening at White Rabbit Gastropub. Plans had not yet been finalized at the time of writing but, I’m told, may include a block party in their sizable parking lot. Call 240-651-1952 for information closer to the holiday. You can expect specials though, such as green beer, shamrock shakes and Shepherd’s Pie pizza among other unusual offerings.

If you prefer to get off Market Street and venture down Carroll Creek, you can make a night of it at RAK Brewing, Idiom Brewing, Attaboy Beer and Steinhardt Brewing, all of which are within close proximity.

RAK Brewing promises several specialty beer releases on St. Patrick’s Day, including a Dublin stout. Idiom will host live music, green beer and food specials. Steinhardt will feature live music along with $1 off pints of celebration (Dry Irish Stout), Irish Red and Green Kolsch from March 14 to 17.

Breakup songs to drive home the message

By Gary Bennett

If you’re celebrating National Breakup Day on Feb. 21,sorry and good luck.

This article appears in the February 20, 2025, issue of Frederick-News Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

Valentine’s Day is nice, but because real life happens, Feb. 21 is National Breakup Day. It should be no surprise. It comes only one week after the big day because, you know, love can be fleeting.

This anti-est of Valentine’s Day is sad, sure, but necessary. Who among us has never had trouble ridding ourselves of that certain someone who seems to just hang on and won’t take no for an answer?

Despite your protests, you might need help in this area. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but the day might come when you’ll find yourself hiding in the bushes rather than spending another evening with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

Here are my Top 10 Breakup Songs for your life-skills pleasure. I know what you’re thinking, but no, I’m actually happily married. Keep in mind, though, I’m an older guy who enjoys rock and pop tunes from the ‘60s, ‘70s and ’80s, so that’s what you’re getting here.

As I’m sure you know, breakup songs come in two flavors. There are the “I’m so sad we broke up, I’m just going to wallow in it” songs and the “please go away” songs. This list is comprised of the latter. Enjoy your breakup!

1. HIT THE ROAD, JACK

Ray Charles, 1960

This classic from a legendary artist is a verbal jousting match between a frustrated woman and a no-good man.

“Now baby, listen baby, don’t ya treat me this way, ‘cause I’ll be back on my feet someday, don’t care if you do ‘cause it’s understood, you ain’t got no money, you just ain’t no good.”

2. DON’T GO AWAY MAD (JUST GO AWAY)

Motley Crue, 1990

The hard rockers were at their peak with this gleeful, sleeper hit.

“Seasons must change, separate paths, separate ways, girl, don’t go away mad, just go away.”

3. ONE LESS SET OF FOOTSTEPS

Jim Croce, 1973

The mustachioed, blue-collar rocker shows the door to his old squeeze in no uncertain terms.

“If that’s the way that you want it, well that’s the way I want it more, ‘cause there’ll be one less set of footsteps on your floor in the morning.”

4. GO YOUR OWN WAY

Fleetwood Mac, 1977

Lindsey Buckingham wrote the song about his breakup with fellow band member Stevie Nicks.

“Tell me why everything turned around, packing up, shacking up is all you want to do, you can go your own way.”

5. IT’S OVER

Boz Scaggs, 1976

Scaggs writes about a fed-up lover who has had enough … but not really.

“Why can’t you just get it through your head, it’s over, it’s over now, yes, you heard me clearly, now I said it’s over. It’s over now.”

6. IT’S TOO LATE

Carole King, 1971

This classic from the great ‘60s and ‘70s songwriter tries to gently (maybe too gently) explain why their relationship just isn’t working.

“And it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late. Though we really did try to make it, something inside has died, and I can’t hide, and I just can’t take it.”

7. ALREADY GONE

The Eagles, 1974

The most successful American band struck gold with an early hit that declared victory over a failed relationship.

“So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key, but me — I’m already gone and I’m feelin’ strong.”

8. SMOKE FROM A DISTANT FIRE

Sanford-Townsend Band, 1976

A terrific, rollicking, one-hit wonder song with the best breakup line ever (involving a screen door). It tells the story of an unfaithful girl who is now getting her comeuppance.

“This lying and cryin’ is upsettin’ and gettin’ nowhere. It don’t stack up, so slack up and pack up, I just don’t care. Don’t let the screen door hit you on your way out.”

9. YOU’RE NO GOOD

Linda Ronstadt, 1974

This bluesy version, from early ’70s queen of pop Linda Rondstadt, congratulates herself for finally coming to her senses. She really lets her ex have it.

“Feelin’ better now that we’re through, feelin’ better ‘cause I’m over you. I learned my lesson, it left a scar, now I see how you really are: You’re no good.”

10. RAMBLIN’ MAN

Allman Brothers Band, 1973

These Southern rockers explain they will be leaving soon because it’s in their DNA and can’t be stopped.

“And when it’s time for leavin’, I hope you’ll understand, that I was born a ramblin’ man.”

American R&B and Soul musician and band leader Ray Charles (born Ray Charles Robinson, 1930 – 2004) plays piano as he performs during a JVC Jazz Festival concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center, New York, New York, June 29, 1994. (Photo by Jack Vartoogian/Getty Images)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

• The All American Rejects’ “Gives You Hell”

• Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright”

• Greg Kihn Band’s “The Breakup Song”

• J. Geils Band’s “Love Stinks”

• Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”

• Led Zeppelin’s “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You”

• Marshall Tucker Band’s “Heard it in a Love Song”

• Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”

• Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May”

• Styx’s “Babe”

• Taylor Swift’s “Picture to Burn”

• Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”

• Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”

Retired and Inspired: FCC’s ILR offers courses that pique interest

By Gary Bennett

People takes notes and listen during a class at the Institute for Learning in Retirement.

This article appears in the Winter 2025 issue of Frederick News-Posts “Prime Time” magazine.

Think back to your high school or college days. Do you fondly remember opening textbooks, considering issues and exploring the world through history and literature? I sure do. Back then, our brains were like sponges, soaking up every bit of information made available.

As we grow older, the pace of learning changes. Research shows that by the time we reach adulthood, many of us notice certain mental tasks, like quickly processing new information or tackling a complex problem, become more challenging. Scientists have identified physical changes in our brains that help explain this shift as we age.

But there’s good news: While the speed of learning might slow as we age, the ability to learn never stops. Research also shows that we can continue to expand our minds and acquire new skills as long as we’re willing to put in the effort.

COURSES FOR EVERYONE

Luckily for us, seniors in Frederick can rely upon the Institute for Learning in Retirement for a professionally organized and reliable destination for mature intellectual discovery.

Kelli Ackiewicz, the ILR program manager and a civil engineer by trade, came on board in 2016. She jumped at the chance to lead this program after assisting with women-to-women mentoring at FCC. She jokes that she helped “engineer some issues they had going on at the college” and then brought her prowess to ILR.

Linda Funsch instructs a class at the Institute for Learning in Retirement at FCC.

No one knows for sure how many Frederick County seniors have been served since 1998, but Ackiewicz did share that the Institute has served an average of 700 students annually over the past 10 years, resulting in more than 18,000 enrollments during this time. On average, students take about three courses per year.

Offered in conjunction with Frederick Community College and mostly on its campus, the Institute offers a wide range of diverse, college-style courses. Enroll and you’ll get lectures, handouts, slides and vibrant discussion, but the one thing you won’t get (thankfully) are tests and grades. Courses are designed for adults by adults. They are fun but can also be described as “no-nonsense.” More than 175 courses are offered each year.

The IRL curriculum team offer courses for just about anyone. Each course is designed to be casual, fun and with the needs of older adults in mind, though there is no age minimum requirement. Those not yet retired are more than welcome to join.

Included in the curriculum are courses in arts, crafts and music; computers and technology; food and drink; health and wellness; history, culture and current events; home and hobbies; learning a language; life planning and finances; philosophy, religion and exploration; photography; science and nature; and writing. A full list of the spring 2025 courses is at ILRFCC.org.

According to Ackiewicz, some of the more popular courses are in the history realm, current events and their “learning on location” bus trips.

There are also many unique courses you might not expect to find, like Discover Your Past Lives, Why is a Ghost a Ghost?, Crochet for Beginners, Writing Your Life Story, Maryland Whiskey 101, Successful Aging in Place, Chickenology (how to raise chickens), Beeconomics (how to make money as a beekeeper!) and Introduction to Ballroom Dancing.

A typical course is held in person, although some are virtual and others are offered on location. Most include 8 to 12 sessions, span one or two months, last for an hour or two at a time, and can occur on any day of the week. Offerings vary widely, so it is advisable to check online or ask for a printed catalog to see what best meets your personal interests and schedule.

In general, most winter/spring courses begin in late January or early February (although others may begin later in the year) and finish by late May or early June.

Richard Kaplowitz of Frederick types notes during a class at the Institute for Learning in Retirement at FCC.

Tuition and fees are reasonable. Most of the course costs are comprised of fees that can range from free for courses that last only one session to just over $100 for multi-session courses. Course costs average $59 to $69. If you try a course and find it is not for you, you may be able to transfer into another course or request a refund.

Some courses are free, made possible through the FCC Foundation. The Institute partners with Frederick County Public Libraries, Frederick County Senior Center and others to offer free courses at those locations.

Instructors are usually passionate experts with lived experience in the subject area. IRL does welcome new instructors with new course ideas (if interested, submit a course proposal form at ILRFCC.org). Ackiewicz promises that all new courses selected are given every chance to succeed, offering them at least two or three times before re-evaluating.

STUDENT PERSPECTIVES

Margie Shattuck has taken ILR courses since she moved to Frederick in 2011. She’s studied a number of subject areas and most enjoys courses on subjects she knows little about.

“It’s a great way to learn a few things and see if I would like to study it further,” she said.

She is currently an ambassador for the program, helping to get the word out about the Institute and staffing booths at expos, festivals and meetings.

Shattuck highly recommends ILR.

“It’s helped enrich my life,” she said. “I’ve learned about a lot of subjects I had a slight interest in, such as learning about past lives, technical things like Photoshop, photography on my phone and medical things. There’s a great program called Medically Curious, where a doctor comes in and talks about things like how to research medical issues online and how to avoid incorrect info on the web.”

Curious students can try a wide swath of courses, although it would behoove you to choose areas of interest. If you have a change of heart, partial refunds can be requested after a class begins, but they are not promised.

Also, be ready for a few know-it-alls who seem to know the teacher and the subject matter inside and out. Laugh it off and remember, some things never change.

The author (far right) and some new friends at a Learning on Location class on the Appalachian Trail.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

Get (way) out of town for Valentine’s Day

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the February 13, 2025, issue of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

Folks, you don’t need to surprise your honey with a romantic trip to Paris, Venice or Rome for Valentine’s Day. Oh no, that’s too expensive anyway. Believe me, you’ll feel right at home at one of these romantic destinations I’ve carefully curated for you right here in the good old U.S.A.

When you arrive in one of these dreamy destinations, your significant other will be overcome with emotion. In fact, they won’t look at you the same way again. Plus, some of these towns are so inexpensive to visit, they will actually pay you to come!

I must warn you, though, not all of these towns are large enough to have a romantic bed and breakfast (or running water, for that matter.) But I can assure you, they all have “Welcome to” signs that will be just right for that selfie.

Please note that all these places are real! Only the descriptions have been changed to protect the town leaders and, of course, the innocent. Plus, the real descriptions are lame.

Accident, Maryland

A charming burg in nearby Garrett County. You may want to skip this one, though, if you don’t wish to have one of those kinds of romantic mishaps.

Bangor, Maine

Our northernmost destination (pronounced Bang-er) is snow covered at Valentine’s Day and action-oriented (I mean skiing! C’mon, get your mind out of the gutter!).

Boody, Illinois

This restful, bootylicious heartland community will make you feel like sitting down and taking a load off.

Butternuts, New York

This tiny upstate enclave is named after the tasty squash that is plentiful here (what did you think?). Be advised, you may come away from here with a new nickname, if you play your cards right.

Climax, Georgia

You’ll burst with excitement when visiting this small but satisfying Southern town.

Cockeysville, Maryland

A close-by Maryland destination that specializes in goofy little pet names. Your honey pie will love it!

Conception, Missouri

Like Accident, this one is not for the faint of heart. Skip this one if you’re not feeling lucky.

Conquest, New York

A delightful upstate borough perfect for the goal-oriented, won’t-take-no-for-an-answer folks. (You know who you are.)

Diamond, California

Now we’re talking. This one is for the big spenders among us, or at least folks who appreciate syrupy pop songs from a ‘70s icon.

Flowers, Mississippi

If you’re not ready for Diamond (and who is?), this is your next best bet.

French Lick, Indiana

Home of NBA legend Larry Bird. Townsfolk will be glad to show you around and provide an oral history.

Fertile, Minnesota

If you’re not going to Accident or Conception, I doubt you’ll go here. But I say take a chance! What could go wrong?

Heart Butte, Montana

I can see you snickering out there, but it’s pronounced Byute. You know, like a lovely, shapely mountain.

Heartwell, Nebraska

This destination sounds nice but I’m sorry to say it’s actually full of cardiologists. I include it here for the over-70 readers.

Hell, Michigan

This is the final, frozen-over destination for those love-on-the-rocks, can’t-be-saved relationships. Heck, you can even be mayor here for a day if you pay the price.

Honeyville, Utah

Take your honey to this little hamlet in the Mormon state. Be advised: If you’re not married, a church leader might harangue you about going back home.

Hooker, Oklahoma

Maybe not the best choice for a romantic weekend, but I say give it a try. Be sure to take advantage of the welcoming committee found on most street corners. Bring cash and low expectations.

Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Finally! Slip into the most famous romantic getaway on the list. And, because it’s positioned just up the road from us in Frederick, you’ll be thrust into a great time. Trust me.

Love, Arizona

This is what’s it’s all about, right?

Lovers Leap, Cumberland

This nearby attraction beckons lovers to show how much they really care. Perfect for the nothing-to-lose folks just a step ahead of an angry, shotgun-toting father.

Pee Pee Township, Ohio

If Cockeysville is just too cutesy for you, there’s always this surprisingly tiny community in Ohio that is folded into its southern region. Blink and you could miss it.

Romance, Arkansas

Be sure to visit the world’s largest thesaurus factory in this exciting, joyful, dreamy, starry-eyed, romantic village in the Ozarks.

Roses, Pennsylvania

This burg in the Keystone State is not far from Intercourse. Everyone knows it’s hard to visit Intercourse unless you do Roses first.

Rough and Ready, California

Named after California’s proud gold-mining past (sure it was), lovers here must be open-minded and up for just about anything.

Screamer, Alabama

An obvious choice for you overachievers. But unless you’ve been here before, you’ll marvel at how noisy this town can be, especially on Saturday nights.

Sweet Lips, Tennessee

If Butternuts is not your cup of tea, I wholeheartedly recommend Sweet Lips.

Surprise, New York

There are lots of Surprises in the U.S., but the one in New York was founded by the same folks who settled Conception, Missouri. They got out of there fast.

Truth or Consequences, New Mexico

You can’t get away with anything in this well-named community, so don’t even try.

Valentine, Indiana

Finally, a town worthy of this list that has gone terribly off the tracks. Fun fact: This town was just recently renamed from Greeting Card, Indiana, to honor the handsome agent on the television show “FBI.”

Weiner, Arkansas

Last but not least, this tiny town is pronounced the way you think, and they are damn proud of it. Home to world-famous Chihuahua races and snow birds from Pee Pee Township, Ohio.

Live from New York, it’s 50 years!

By Gary Bennett

Saturday Night Night Main Stage, Rockefeller Center, New York

This article appears in the Fredrick News-Post’s February 6, 2025, “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

It’s difficult to overstate the cultural significance of Saturday Night Live. It may not seem so today, but the show literally changed the way young people approached Saturday nights in the 1970s.

Saturday Night Live will celebrate its 50th anniversary in 2025 with a three-hour prime time special on NBC on Feb. 16. As of this writing, a host has not been named, but one thing is certain, the show will be chock full of hilarious clips from its 50-year reign.

Much about Saturday Night Live, especially the early years, has passed into legend. But when the show hit the airwaves in October 1975, no one knew what to expect. A young writer named Lorne Michaels talked NBC executives into taking a chance on a live, late-night, weekend comedy show. This had not been tried before.

He wanted nothing less than to redefine comedy the way the Beatles, 10 years earlier, had redefined pop music. “That required not pandering, and it also required removing neediness, the need to please,” Michaels says in the book “Live from New York” by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller. “We were only going to please those people who are like us, and that’s what we did.”

The show aired at 11:30 on Saturday night. If you were a college student at that time, like I was, 11:30 was prime time for parties, drinking, dancing and blowing off steam. Many of us didn’t even head out until that time. Once word got around that you had to see this new show, it didn’t take long for us to adjust our loose schedules accordingly. NBC banked that we would do both — stay in to watch the show but still go out before, after or both — and we did.

A little known fact is that Johnny Carson is largely responsible for the airing of Saturday Night Live. Carson ruled late-night TV during the week. By 1975, he had had enough of NBC airing his reruns on Saturday night; he wanted to use the reruns himself during the week so he could take more time off. NBC had the option of returning this weekend time to the local affiliates, and thereby giving up a chunk of ad revenue, or trying to fill the time with other programming.

It was no surprise when word went out from NBC executives to develop a late-night weekend show. Had the powerful Carson never made this demand, it’s quite possible there would never have been a Saturday Night Live. After all, Carson did not retire until 1992.

The man NBC took a chance on, 30-year-old Lorne Michaels, gave them much more than I’m sure they bargained for: an adventurous, topical, satire series with a live studio audience that, had executives and advertisers known of its content in advance, might never have seen the light of day.

Michaels wanted the show to be the first one in the history of television to talk the same language being talked on college campuses, streets and everywhere else young people gathered. In this, he succeeded wildly.

The show was originally called NBC’s Saturday Night. It was the first show the television generation — baby boomers, as we are now called — could call their own. It was unlike anything else on the air, and it would be years before rivals even tried to imitate it. It was new, unusual, surprising and boy, did it make us laugh. It had the proverbial inmates running the asylum, and it showed.

The show made stars of unknowns and superstars of stars. The brash young players that comprised the Not Ready for Prime Time Players in those first few seasons are now household names. Belushi, Chase, Aykroyd, Radner, Murray, Murphy, Piscopo and more delighted in trashing TV taboos.

Many of these would-be stars wanted no part of TV but took on the gig anyway because they could look down on even the most successful prime-time show — because their show was different. It was one of a kind. It made fun of television. John Belushi made his feelings about television known at the time by famously saying, “My television has spit all over it.”

And who in the boomer generation can forget the Coneheads, Mad Samurai, Nick the Lounge Singer, Fred Garvin (Male Prostitute), the Wild and Crazy Guys, Killer Bees, Blues Brothers, Roseanne Roseannadanna, Wayne and Garth, Mr. Bill, Fernando, Hans and Franz, Lisa Loopner and Todd, The Church Lady, Pete Schweddy and the Greek deli owner selling “chee-burger, chee-burger, and Petsie.”

The very first show featured a “cold opening” that portended of things to come. Belushi appeared as a semi-literate immigrant dutifully keeling over with a heart attack because his English teacher suddenly dies of one. With that, Chevy Chase, as stage manager with clipboard in hand, looks in at the dead bodies and flashes that fake Hollywood smile and says, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” Then cue the saxophone-infused music. Those words from Chase, the music and the accompanying scenes from New York’s shady underbelly had an exciting feel to them. We were hooked.

Another instant hit from the early shows was Chase as the bumbling but cooler-than-you newscaster for Weekend Update, an absurdist view of the goings-on in Washington and around the country. The segment was so topical and up-to-date that writers tell stories of being under Chase’s desk live on air handing notes up to him.

His goofy but sincere opening line of the newscast — “Good evening. I’m Chevy Chase and you’re not” — became a national catchphrase that even President Ford used. Because of this segment and the stage manager schtick when opening the show, Chase became the first breakout star, leaving after only one season to act in movies.

He was replaced by none other than Bill Murray in season two. The show barely skipped a beat. In short order, Belushi and Dan Aykroyd became major stars, too.

Feuds, fights and romances among staff members were in the paper seemingly every week. Boozy after-parties were legendary. Sex and drugs were rampant backstage. Network executives tended to steer clear of the 17th floor, where the show was written and performed, not wishing to be enmeshed in marijuana smoke and other strange aromas that would be hard to explain. Better to not know.

By the beginning of the second season, Saturday Night Live was the talk of television, a national phenomenon.

Even the performers who joined the cast later are legendary in their own right: Eddie Murphy, Billy Crystal, Martin Short, Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, Mike Meyers, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, Darrell Hammond, Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Jon Lovitz, Dennis Miller, Kevin Nealon, Tracy Morgan, Amy Poehler … the list goes on and on. Big stars like Hanks, Martin, Baldwin and Timberlake fell all over themselves wanting to host.

For better or worse, Saturday Night Live lives on as a testament to what you can accomplish if you really believe in something — and “don’t give a flying f— if it fails,” as Chase put it in 1975, when a reporter asked him how the show succeeded.

Journey out to the Outer Banks

By Gary Bennett

The Wright Brothers National Memorial in Kill Devil Hills, NC.

This article appears in the January 9, 2025, issue of Frederick News-Post’s entertainment insert “72 Hours.”

My wife and I have been up and down the East Coast from Maine to Florida many times. We’ve enjoyed the Atlantic Ocean in Bar Harbor and Kennebunkport, both Ocean Cities (New Jersey and Maryland), Cape May, Virginia Beach, Myrtle Beach, Jacksonville, Miami Beach and Key West.

But, somehow along the way, we missed the Outer Banks of North Carolina.

We finally made it this past fall, and I’m so glad we did.

The Outer Banks (or OBX as signs and license plates proclaim everywhere) is well-known around Frederick. Many families tell stories of renting a house on this narrow sliver of land that spans about 200 miles of coastline, inviting the entire extended family to join them. I can only imagine what fun this must be.

The Outer Banks is an interesting name. It is a barrier island (or more correctly, a series of barrier islands) sitting in the Atlantic Ocean a few miles from the North Carolina mainland. On a map, it resembles a wayward violin string or a dog’s crooked hind leg. “Barrier” means that the islands will eventually surrender to the ocean, but hopefully not for millions of years.

The islands are separated from the mainland by sounds, which we don’t have here in Maryland. With exotic names like Albemarle, Currituck and Pamlico, these large bodies of water are bigger than a bay or river but not as big as a sea. This gives the islands a secluded feel. Also, there are only a few access points, which increases the feeling of seclusion. You can reach the Outer Banks by highway, of course, but other areas to the south can only be accessed by ferry or small plane.

Sunrise over the shores of Outer Banks, NC.

We arrived at Outer Banks via North Carolina Route 158, which winds its way down the coast from the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. We crossed over the Albemarle Sound and landed near the small village of Southern Shores. From there, it was just a short, pleasant ride to our hotel in Kill Devil Hills.

From Frederick, our drive totaled about 5 and a half hours, covering 320 miles. Overall, it was pleasant. It helps to leave on a Saturday morning if you can, thereby minimizing the traffic around D.C. and Richmond. Once you hang a right at Hampton Roads and head south, traffic thins out nicely.

The Outer Banks begin at Corolla, far to the north, and stretches down to Ocracoke to the south. We didn’t have time on this trip, but one can traverse the entire length of the Outer Banks on picturesque NC Highway 12 (or Beach Road, as the locals call it) and never be more than 3 miles from the ocean. At its narrowest, this spit of land is only 150 yards wide from ocean to sound.

The best-known OBX towns are mostly clustered near the center of the island and have perplexing names. Perhaps the most well-known is Nags Head. No one is certain, but one popular theory is the town got its name from pirates tying lanterns to the necks of horses, or “nags,” to trick ships loaded with booty to run aground.

Kill Devil Hills got its name, so the story goes, from rum, which had washed ashore from wrecked ships and was so strong, it could “kill” the devil.

Kitty Hawk’s name is not quite as interesting. It most likely derives from the Algonquin word “Chickahawk,” which means “a place to hunt geese.” The name first appeared on English maps in the 1700s. Kitty Hawk, of course, will be forever linked to the daring Wright Brothers and their ingenious flying contraption.

The Outer Banks is known for pristine but sometimes wild beaches, majestic sand dunes, wild horses and its many lighthouses. The central OBX beaches of Kitty Hawk, Kill Devil Hills and Nags Head each have their own distinctive personality but share pebbly, off-white sand, skinny shorelines, large oceanfront homes (including Millionaire’s Row), easy access, grassy barriers and numerous fishing piers.

Currituck Beach Lighthouse in Outer Banks, NC.

If it’s a boardwalk you’re looking for, we recommend the peaceful, winding one along Currituck Sound in the tiny village of Duck. The Duck Boardwalk encourages a leisurely pace and can be accessed from the town park and other locations throughout the village. It extends for over a mile and offers beautiful views, a variety of wildlife and some retail establishments and restaurants.

The stars of the show at OBX are, without a doubt, the rolling, majestic and seemingly never-ending sand dunes. Jockey’s Ridge State Park in Nags Head has the tallest active sand-dune system in the Eastern U.S., stretching up to 110 feet tall. The chain of dunes is protected by thick maritime forests and grasses. When we visited, families with young children were happily exploring the dunes on nearby trails.

Other must-sees when visiting OBX include the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse and National Seashore, Currituck Beach Lighthouse and Maritime Museum, Jennette’s Pier (home to an excellent science and educational center) and the Wright Brothers National Memorial.

The Wright Brothers National Memorial, inexplicably in Kill Devil Hills and not Kitty Hawk, includes a full-scale reproduction of the original plane that is not much bigger or sturdier than a hang glider, numerous exhibits, educational talks by docents, the 1902-‘03 camp buildings where the brothers performed their experiments, the carefully maintained 3,000-foot airstrip, a mesmerizing sculpture of the brothers and other helpers preparing for takeoff, the “First Flight” boulder marking the takeoff point of the three experimental flights and the dominating, 60-foot memorial to their achievements at the top of a huge sand dune.

One of the last remaining Ben Franklin stores is in OBX.

For food, Miller’s Seafood and Steakhouse in Kill Devil Hills serves breakfast, lunch and dinner, specializing in fresh seafood and aged steaks. For dinner, I tried the North Carolina sea scallops, which were seared and grilled to perfection, and my wife, Ellen, had the sesame-seared bourbon tuna. Both were excellent. The Miller family also owns the “American Pie” shop right next door that offers delicious homemade pies and ice cream.

For lunch, try Cosmo’s Pizza, the local, New York-style pizza shop. It sits unassumingly in a strip mall near Corolla, but the tasty food and friendly atmosphere make it worth the trip. Their red brick, wood-burning oven gives the place a warm, homey feel and provides a crispy, slightly burnt pizza crust that is so hard to find in Frederick.

We considered trying some North Carolina-style barbecue, but after learning the Eastern-style Carolina type is made using the “whole hog,” we demurred. Using the whole hog means the entire pig is barbecued, chopped up and mixed together. It is served with a vinegar-based sauce, also not one of my favorites. The locals claim that pork served this way is the most tender with a deliciously distinct flavor. I guess I’ll never know.

For shopping, I recommend four local favorites: The Cotton Gin, Farmer’s Daughter, Gray’s and Kitty Hawk Kites.

The Cotton Gin provides high-end shopping and seems to have something for everyone. True to its name, 100% cotton clothing dominates the offerings. This local landmark has been around nearly 100 years and is the go-to place for gifts and souvenirs.

Farmers Daughter (there is no apostrophe to be found) is the quintessential beach shop with 16 OBX locations. The Kill Devil Hills location we visited specializes in what they call “fish hippie apparel.” You’ll need to check that out to see for yourself.

Gray’s Outer Banks Lifestyle Clothing Company (its long, official name) in Kitty Hawk specializes in coastal, casual resort wear. As soon as you step inside, you’re greeted by local history and friendly faces.

To really get into that beach vibe and double down on the “first in flight” mojo, visit Kitty Hawk Kites in Duck. It is celebrating 50 years in business. The colorful kites and hang gliders appear ready to jump into the air at any moment.

Two locals favorites we couldn’t resist are Brew Thru, a drive through convenience store offering everything you need, including beer and wine, and one of the last remaining Ben Franklin stores left standing in the U.S.

Outer Banks, NC, is kn0wn for its huge sand dunes.

The former offers more than 100 brands of beers and wines you simply point to and pay for. That, my friends, is America at its best! The latter is a proud member of the five-and-dime retail empire that once numbered over 2,500 stores, mostly in smaller locales nationwide, but now are fewer than 250. According to the manager, the Nags Head Ben Franklin has stood the test of time by adapting to the needs of its customers. It has become an immaculately neat beach gift shop, but its proud history is front and center thanks to the gigantic, unmistakable, red Ben Franklin sign and the ocean-themed mural that adorns the facade of the building.

The Fonzie Phenomenon

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the October 31, 2024 edition of the Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

In 1974, America was going through very tough times. Watergate hearings droned on every day, the Vietnam War was ending haphazardly, and oil shortages had us all waiting in long gas lines and on edge.

So, it came as no surprise when a wave a nostalgia hit America. Many of us pined for gentler, easier times. The 1950s seemed to fit the bill nicely. The economy was good then and grandfatherly Dwight Eisenhower was in the White House. The hit movie “American Graffiti” (1973) and smash musical “Grease” (1971) both examined an innocent brand of everyday teen life to rave reviews.

Not to be outdone, in the fall of ’74, network television brought us a modest situation comedy called “Happy Days,” starring child actor Ron Howard of “Andy Griffith Show” fame. For the first time, Richie, Ralph, Potsy and Fonzie entered our living rooms. Little did we know, they would stay for more than a decade.

One can only imagine the chance the network took on building a show around a former child actor (Howard), a bunch of other unknown 20-something actors and a couple of mature, little known character actors, all portraying a modest 1950s, family-and-friends-are-everything lifestyle.

But, somehow, it worked.

Whatever the network executives saw in the show’s premise and the young actors was proved right. The show took an idealized look at life in the ’50s. The father owned a hardware store. Mom stayed at home and kept house. The teen characters fretted over girls and problems at school. There was a tough guy with a heart of gold. All of this was set in the comfortable backdrop of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The show was like “American Graffiti,” also starring Howard, by focusing on the teen lives of the main characters. Best friends Richie Cunningham (Howard), Potsy Webber (Anson Williams) and Ralph Malph (Don Most) hit all the right notes as teens trying to do their best but with a talent for getting in trouble.

The show didn’t do well at first. But soon it caught fire when it began featuring a minor, leather-clad character called Fonzie — or The Fonz. It’s difficult to overstate the influence of The Fonz on 1970s culture.

Henry Winkler as Arthur (Fonzie) Fonzarelli

Arthur Fonzarelli was played to “tough-guy-with-a-heart” perfection by a young, handsome, Yale-trained actor named Henry Winkler. The Fonz was a biker, a high school dropout and a bit older than the teens who idolized him, but he had a kind of magical coolness and street smarts that drew people to him. He would often enter the show with two or three young ladies on his arm.

Fonzie became one of the most memorable and merchandised characters of the 1970s. His image was on everything from lunch boxes and T-shirts to posters and soda cans. Henry Winkler became a major star and later parlayed his stardom into a lucrative movie career. His trademark leather jacket is now on display at the Smithsonian.

His catch phrases, which I can’t do justice to in print, were not scripted but created by Winkler. They included “sit on it” — an insult of epic proportions, “heyyyyyy!,” “whoa” and “correctamundo!” It wasn’t long before these phrases were on the lips of ‘70s teens and pre-teens everywhere.

It also didn’t hurt that Fonzie had superpowers. He could start any balky machine, including the local juke box, with a well-place rap of his fist, and he could instantly summon girls to his side with a snap of his fingers. He was the guy every man (and boy) wanted to be and every woman wanted to be with.

He had a kind of cool not seen on the small screen to this day. The only young character that came remotely close was James Dean in the movie “Rebel Without a Cause.” Everyone knew The Fonz was tough and could fight, but he never had to. His reputation always preceded him.

In 1999, TV Guide ranked Fonzie as No. 4 on its “50 Greatest TV Characters of All Time” list. Even so, the Emmy for best lead actor in a comedy eluded Winkler. He was nominated three times but never won. Decades later in 2015, he finally received his first Emmy for his performance on HBO’s “Barry.” Today, a bronze statue of The Fonz stands on the Milwaukee Riverwalk.

I believe one critical theme, eschewing convention, that creator Garry Marshall came up with that allowed the show to thrive was that The Fonz, who had absolutely no reason to do so, genuinely befriended the slightly nerdy teens. No one was quite sure why, but we all suspected it was because he could, and no one would say a word. Or, it may have been that he had a soft spot for those who are awkward and not as cool as him. It was probably a little of both.

Another theme that played well was the genuine love and respect the teens showed for the grownups. In turn, the grownups were supportive and gentle with the teens. The mutual love was easily apparent. The Cunningham parents were played pitch-perfectly by veteran actors Tom Bosley and Marion Ross. (Ross is still alive at 96.) The heart they brought to their much smaller parts was remarkable. Fonzi even had a soft spot for the motherly “Mrs. C.” She was the only one who could call him Arthur and get away with it.

“Happy Days” was one of the most successful shows of the 1970s. In its 11 seasons through 1984, it became the third longest-running sitcom in ABC’s history, with 255 episodes. In the 1976 and 1977 seasons, it was the No. 1 television show in America. The show spawned successful spinoffs “Laverne and Shirley” and “Mork and Mindy.” Both were culturally relevant in their own right.

The show played in syndication almost right away. One of my fondest memories from college in the mid- to late-‘70s, is playing cards between classes at the student union with pals of my own with “Happy Days” playing in the background.

At this year’s Emmy Awards, the now-famous duo of Howard and Winkler stole the show with their “Happy Days” reunion back at Arnold’s Malt Shop. Winkler even smacked the juke box to get it going like he did so many times in the ‘70s.

Doggone it, Halloween is full of furry fun

By Gary Bennett

One of the top winners in 2023 Canines on the Creek

This article appears in the October 24, 2024, edition of Frederick News-Post’s 72 Hours magazine.

When did pets, especially dogs, become such a large part of Halloween? According to a recent survey by PetSmart, 75% of pet owners are planning to dress up their pet for Halloween. Dogs lead the way, by a wide margin, as the pet of choice to don creative clothing. Most pet owners even plan to match their pet’s attire to their own!

It is clear most pet owners don’t intend to leave their pets behind when enjoying this fun season. Millennials lead the way in saying they’ll dress up their pets (86%), followed by Gen Z (81%), Gen X (74%) and Baby Boomers (59%).

All cohorts admit that social media posts drive this phenomenon. Pets clearly rule when it comes to social media, even more than children. About a third surveyed admitted that pets in costumes are designed to draw attention and get maximum likes. Kids in costumes trailed slightly behind.

It seems tempting to treat the prevalence of pups sauntering down the street dressed for the season with kids and parents in tow as a recent, social media-driven spectacle. But that is really not the case. As long as dogs have been human companions (going on 12,000 years now), humans have been dressing them.

Ancient Egyptians employed seldom-used dog collars as a status symbol. Around the time of Christ, Romans adorned their dogs with golden collars encrusted with diamonds and rubies. In 19th-century England, the royal family dressed their dogs in jackets and trousers, and the trend soon caught on. Not to be outdone, well-to-do French citizens of the same time dressed their dogs in costumes for social gatherings, travel and beach outings. They even had bathing outfits, silk jackets and tea gowns for their furry friends to lounge in.

It should be no surprise then that modern-day pet owners enjoy dressing up their fur babies for Halloween. After all, what is cuter than Butch as a pumpkin, hot dog or bumblebee?

But the question remains: Is this behavior good for the dog? Or, as one person told me last year, “Can’t we just let dogs be dogs?”

Well, I think we are.

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals believes that dog clothing should have a clear benefit to the dog — think sweaters in cold weather and paw protectors in hot weather. But one can reason that providing beneficial clothing to dogs does not preclude it from being beautiful or fun. Let’s face it, dogs are unaware of how they look. Therefore, the Society has concluded that if your pals are comfortable and appear happy, Halloween-themed clothing isn’t going to hurt them. Indeed, they may enjoy the added attention and smiles.

Have you ever wondered why people began dressing their dogs? One explanation is that many pets serve as an extension of the personality of their owners. If you like Halloween, you want Spot to like Halloween, too. Others like to honor their pals by bestowing human-like qualities on them. Who doesn’t speak long, complicated sentences to their pooch while they seem to intently listen? Still others may be lonely and have a need to get as close to their pets as possible — be a part of the pack, so to speak. But the main reason is simpler. According to surveys, most people say it’s just plain fun.

So if you plan to dress up your best friend for Halloween festivities, here are some tips from Frederick-based experts at the Humane Society, Animal Welfare League, and Frederick County Animal Control to make your day safe and fun:

• Measure your pup and make sure the costume fits well but not too tightly.

• Dogs always need a full range of motion. Make sure they can comfortably walk, eat, lie down and run.

• Avoid costumes with small buttons and other decorations pets can chew off and swallow.

• Avoid non-breathable fabrics like nylon and polyester.

• If your pal has never dressed up before, give them a few days to get used to their new duds before trotting them out in public. You can quietly assess their reaction in private.

• Not all dogs will enjoy dressing up. Watch for signs of stress, which may indicate a preference to remain unclothed: aggression, whining, excessive yawning, head-shaking, a refusal to move, panting or persistent body shaking.

The experts offered other tips for a safe Halloween season, even if your pets don’t dress up:

• Slowly introduce adult and children costumes and decorations a few days ahead to limit stress. Remember that humans dressed in scary costumes and big blow-up decorations are strange and novel objects to pets. Give them time to adjust.

• Offer treats and reassurance if you observe reactions such as startled jumps, flattened ears, flattened tails or cautious approaches.

• Never leash them into a spooky situation they can’t escape. Let dogs explore at their own pace.

• Practice doorbell chiming to get your pals used to the constant commotion of trick-or-treating. Reward patience and bravery with calm words and tasty treats.

• Keep human treats off limits to your pups and throw away those candy wrappers, too. Beware their ingesting even the smallest portion of chocolate or sugar-free candies that contain xylitol.

• If all else fails, remove your dog from the chaos. Consider creating a cozy space for your doggos to get away from all the ghouls and goblins.

If all systems are go and you’re ready to strut your mutt, here are the top 10 doggy costumes of 2022 according to Prosper Insights & Analytics 2022 Halloween Survey. Perhaps this will give you some ideas.

• Pumpkin • Hot dog • Bat • Bumblebee • Witch • Lion • Spider • Ghost • Superdog • Devil

A beautiful Taco contestant in 2023 Canines on the Creek

October Orneriness: Candy faces off this Halloween season

By Gary Bennett

Gary’s 32 “team” single-elimination candy bracket

This article appears in the October 24 issue of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment magazine.

The sweet season is upon us, and this can only mean one thing: It’s time for the titans of sugary deliciousness and empty calories to square off in what I lovingly call October Orneriness.

Sure, March has its Madness and Candy has its Crush, but no one, and I mean no one, can use those terms without hearing from the NCAA or King, the company behind the candy-themed game. Happily, October Orneriness is open to anyone with a sweet tooth and a penchant for gazing upon the wondrous candy aisle at your local Wegman’s.

Never heard of October Orneriness? Oh sure, like you’ve never raided the kids’ Halloween stash after they’ve gone to bed. That is where this term comes from.

So, without further ado, I present to you perhaps the only October Orneriness bracket you’ve ever seen (or probably ever will see).

Because loving candy is nearly universal (yes, I see you smirking, holier-than-thou fruit and veggie lovers out there), I encourage you to fill out your own October Orneriness bracket, just like with that March thing you do.

Allow me to explain my bracket so you can get some helpful tips on your own.

Just like with any good March Madness bracket, there must be some upsets. You can’t just pick the higher-ranked candy each time. Any good professional gambler or frat boy will tell you that never works out.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but just like in March, some of your favorite candies will not even make the tournament. That is sad, but that is life. Maybe next year.

Among the candies on the bubble but ultimately left out of my bracket are such stalwarts as Whatchamacallit (confusing name), Jolly Ranchers (will break your teeth when you least expect it), Bit-O-Honey (good for the dentist, bad for you), Smarties (look too much like my morning pill regimen), and Dove Bar (inexplicably, the Harvard of candy bars had finals on Selection Sunday and didn’t show).

As anyone can plainly see, I have Snickers going all the way. They are my national champ and personal favorite. Any gambler will tell you not to go with your heart, but I couldn’t help it. Snickers is the No. 1 ranked candy in the land (in sales) and is not to be trifled with. Kind of like the Yankees.

By now you’ve also noticed that my national runner up is Nerds. Nerds?! I can feel your seething astonishment through the newspaper.

I know of no one except 4-year-old boys and a certain 72 Hours editor that likes this candy. But I am not stupid, so, on a hunch, I will take them along on this wild ride! Along the way, I have Nerds taking out the highly underrated $100,000 bar (aka 100 Grand) and the No. 2 ranked candy in the land, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. They are the LA Dodgers of candy, with an unlimited marketing and TV budget. Alas, they will take Nerds too lightly and get knocked out in a squeaker. Kinda like Alabama rolling into Nashville to crush Vanderbilt. Not!

Going back to the semi-finals, I have Snickers, with their exquisite combination of chocolate, nougat (what is nougat, anyway?) peanuts and oozing caramel deliciousness defeating a scrappy Twix team, featuring a left and right cookie covered in chocolate and caramel. Their dynamic crunch and exquisite “mouth feel” almost got them to the finals. It could be, however, they are better suited to a cookie tournament.

Somehow, some way, I have Nerds defeating M&Ms in the semis. M&Ms could have won that one, but I don’t like their silly, life-size, talking M&M commercials or their split personality disorder — are they plain, peanut or both? Every now and then they’re even dark chocolate!

In the round of eight, Skittles, Kit Kat and Hershey Kisses make an appearance. Skittles will not overcome their obvious lack of chocolaty-ness. If you’re going to stuff a handful of little candies in your mouth, they might as well be chocolate. Kit Kat is okay, and my granddaughter’s personal favorite, but their little wafers and little crunch cannot overcome Twix’s big cookies and mammoth crunch.

Hershey Kisses is one of the all-time greats, but their day has come and gone, I believe. They are too big to shove a handful in your mouth and too small to be happy with just one at a time. Yes, I said it.

Noteworthy match ups in the first two rounds include Zagnut defeating Baby Ruth (coconut will overcome peanuts for this one time only); Almond Joy over Junior Mints — the latter has never been the same after their hilarious star turn on “Seinfeld” (Google it); Good & Plenty using their scrappy licorice-flavored mojo to squeeze by the messy, Bart Simpson-led Butterfinger team; and Starburst overcoming Pay Day when a cherry one becomes stuck in Pay Day’s throat and nearly chokes it.

The last four in the tournament are candy corn — not even a proper noun and possibly the most hated candy in America; Sour Patch Kids — candy should be sweet, nee must be sweet, not sour; SweeTARTS — see the previous comment; and Laffy Taffy — defeated by Bit-O-Honey in a sticky, floss-inducing play-in game.