Gary Bennett Publishing

Driving in Frederick: It can be a jungle out there

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the January 2024 edition of Frederick News-Post’s “Prime Time” magazine.

I see lots of bad driving out there. I’m sure you do, too. It must be human nature (or maybe pride) that fools us into believing that we are great drivers while everyone else is terrible.

If only this were true.

As senior drivers whose cognitive powers and reflexes are still in working order and who have a wealth of driving experience to rely upon, we have an opportunity, perhaps a duty, to set the tone on the road and drive by example. After all, we are among the safest drivers out there.

I provide below some tips for the road and some trouble spots in Frederick to avoid. Most, but not all, are in synch with the Maryland Driving Manual. I also take into consideration the realities of driving around a bustling, growing city.

But first, my credentials.

I am a driver in my 60s who has driven all around Frederick for 35 years now. Not only that, but for the past five years, I have driven around Frederick two or three days a week for six hours at a clip. That is a lot of concentrated driving. It’s is a big part of my part-time job I do in retirement. As such, I think I’m qualified to say this: Boy, have I seen it all!

I’ve been a licensed driver for about 50 years now. I’m not perfect. I had an accident years ago that totaled my car but no one else’s. It was caused by my own impatience in poor driving conditions. I’ve also had a few tickets along the way. But I think I’ve learned from my mistakes.

The three biggest culprits I see to safely traveling on Frederick roads are aggressive driving, distracted driving and, believe it or not, timid or unsure driving. This last one may seem counterintuitive, but many of you know exactly what I mean.

The first one is self-explanatory. We see aggressive driving all the time. It includes speeding, unsafe lane changes, purposely not using turn signals, tailgating, ignoring traffic signals, not yielding the right-of-way and, of course, horn blasting and hand gesturing. This causes terror for the rest of us and leads to most accidents.

The good news is that the rest of us can manage these drivers to some extent.

Do this: Give them plenty of space. Don’t compete and never engage with them. Keep in mind that aggressive driving will save them no time in the long run (and karma will get them eventually). Just pray they hurt no one along the way.

For your own part, leave yourself plenty of time before setting out for any destination so you have no reason to compete with an aggressive driver. Keep your mind on your own driving business so you don’t commit a driving error to enrage them more. If you can safely do so, report them.

Distracted driving has been well documented with the introduction of cell phones. One-third of all fatal accidents are caused by distracted driving. But distracted driving can also include eating, applying makeup, dealing with children and changing radio stations. Try to avoid all of these. Stay focused on the task at hand — arriving safely at your destination.

When encountering a distracted driver, give them plenty of space if you can, and remove yourself from their presence if you must. It does no good to honk or exhibit any aggressive driving tactics yourself to “teach them a lesson.”

Although not mentioned at all in the Maryland Driving Manual, timid/unsure driving may be the biggest culprit to getting around Frederick in a safe, timely manner. It includes driving too slowly overall, not merging into traffic quickly enough, making unsure, last-second turns and lane-changes, waiting too long at traffic lights, and stopping suddenly for no apparent reason.

Timid drivers endanger themselves and others because they are not “going with the flow.” This is a must in a busy city. Timid driving can also enrage those with aggressive driving tendencies.

If driving has become a frightening endeavor for you, it is best to ask for help or find other means of travel. If you are a new driver and are doing your best, make sure you have the “New Driver” sticker on your car so we can give you the benefit of the doubt.

Timid drivers need to realize they are as dangerous as aggressive drivers. My advice to them is be aware of the flow of traffic. Know when you are an impediment and take steps to minimize your effect. Practice driving to your destinations during off hours to where you must go so you can confidently go with the flow when it really counts.

A special discussion on turn signals is required.

The lack of turn signal usage — whether it is aggressively done on purpose, absentmindedly forgotten, its importance never learned, or if people simply don’t care — is a major contributor to unsafe driving conditions.

We must understand and accept that turn signals are a safety device that benefits all of us. They let other drivers know what our intentions are. We should all be maniacal about their use, even when seemingly not necessary. After all, who among us has never had a car quickly pull back into the right travel lane from a left-turn only lane they didn’t mean to be in? I’ll venture not many of us. Turn signal usage lets everyone know that you have given some thought to your intentions. Disappointingly, the Maryland Driving Manual hardly mentions turn signal usage. It deserves its own chapter.

Further, reject the notion that turn signals are somehow a sign of weakness. This is twisted thinking. One young driver told me people won’t let them merge anyway, so why ask? To him it is better and easier to simply “horn in.” If this is your mindset, try to get past it. Some drivers may prevent you from merging by speeding up, but it is just as sure that some kind soul will let you in eventually. Use that signal.

GENERAL ROAD TIPS

• Drive defensively and expect the unexpected. A wise instructor once told me to always look for your escape route ahead of time in case something bad happens around you.

• Avoid left turns in heavy traffic as much as possible. Around Frederick, that is a recipe for being rear-ended. If you must turn left, use that turn signal and use it early so those behind you have a chance to get around you.

• Get up to speed quickly when merging onto highways. That is what the ramp is for. Little is more aggravating than a slow driver putting everyone behind them in a dangerous, precarious position.

• On the flip side, slow down a bit on highways to let someone merge safely. No, you don’t have to, but it is the safer thing to do.

• Space is your friend. When getting on or off a highway, adjust your speed up or down slightly to fit into the biggest space between cars you can find. That calculation is well worth the trouble but must be made well before you try to execute it.

• Consider it your civic duty to start out right away when stopped at a red light when it turns, especially if you’re first in line. If you lag for any reason, someone behind you may be forced to sit through another cycle. There’s nothing much more aggravating.

• Know what lane you want before you need to be in it. Pull into that lane as soon as you can, even miles before you need to. We all know those folks who jump to the front of the line and then nose in without a signal. It is tantamount to butting in line and would not be tolerated in any other circumstance.

• Use any driving outing as a chance to work on your patience and kindness. Most of us need to do better in those categories anyway, so why not remind yourself of that as you head out?

• Don’t drive at all if something is within walking distance. This should be a no-brainer. It’s good for you and the environment. Plus, why not eliminate one more chance for a driving mistake from you or others?

• You may disagree, but I’ve watched this play out and considered it carefully: The zipper method is always best when an unexpected merge is happening because of a lane closure, even if it is visible ahead. No one should be penalized in this case. Use all the space we have afforded to us for as long as we can. That way, we can all keep up a reasonable speed. The alternative results in jerks and stops.

FREDERICK-SPECIFIC TIPS

• Avoid Route 15 across Frederick as much as possible but especially during the two rush hours. We all know this stretch needs to be three lanes instead of two, but it’s what we’ll have for the foreseeable future. Better to leave 15 for tourists and those passing through.

• Avoid Market Street in the morning when the food and beer trucks are making their deliveries. You don’t need to run this gauntlet if you don’t have to. Better to take the alleys and Court or Ice streets.

• Avoid Rosemont Avenue as much as possible. Those lanes are outrageously narrow in many places (with on-road storm drains that rattle my bones).

• When driving north on East Street to cross East Patrick Street to head toward Shab Row, remember you need to be in the right lane to go straight.

• When turning left from South Jefferson Street onto South Street at the light, get as far left in your lane as possible so cars going straight can pass you on the right. Use that turn signal.

• When heading west on the Golden Mile near the Route 15 underpass, try to avoid turning right onto Baughman’s Lane. The jockeying for position there with cars coming down the ramp from 15 and heading west on the Golden Mile is not for the faint of heart.

• Similarly, never try to merge onto 340 West from that tiny Himes Avenue exit ramp. You’ll almost always need to come to a dangerous complete stop to allow heavy through traffic to pass.

• When traveling toward downtown on South Jefferson Street at 7-11, you need to be in the right lane to go straight. Many of you stay in that left turn-only lane and merge right at the last second. That is not a zipper method situation.

• Be wary of the two lanes on Seventh Street heading east over Bentz Street. The right lane must turn right. The left lane can go straight or turn left. This is not well marked. Get in the correct lane long before you come to Bentz.

• When merging onto Ballenger Creek Pike from the Jefferson Street ramp, keep going in the right lane; don’t stop. Cars approaching this intersection from your left must stay in the left lane. I’ll admit this is counterintuitive and can be scary, but it is what’s intended. This one is not signed at all (and should be).

• Avoid the intersections of I-70 and I-270 as much as possible. Cars are going at interstate speeds in all directions and usually jockeying for position without using turn signals. Better to get on one of these interstates at a different Frederick intersection.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

NIMBYism is Self-Defeating

By Gary Bennett and Hugh Gordon
Members, Affordable Housing Council of Frederick County

This article appears in the December 2024 issues of the Woodsboro-Walkersville (MD) News Journal, page 5.

NIMBY means “Not In My Back Yard.” It can apply to almost any human endeavor one does not want near them. But, for the purposes of our discussion today, it applies to housing. You are a NIMBY if you push back against any kind of housing initiative in your local area no matter how much sense it might make.

There is no shortage of NIMBYism in Frederick County. For example:

No-growth candidates recently carried the day in Walkersville town elections. Here are some of their comments: “I don’t want to see any more townhouses built.” I don’t want to see any more houses built.” “We don’t need more houses.” And the most pithy: “I’d like to see people come in, spend their money, and leave.” Inexplicably, all this was in addition to comments that the city needs more funding to tackle existing projects, the very thing additional tax revenue from more homes would bring. The irony is hard to ignore.

There’s more: Mount Airy stopped a mixed-use development plan in its tracks due to traffic concerns. Brunswick’s city council sent back to its city staff a proposed zoning ordinance change that would have allowed old buildings to be used for housing. Thurmont residents voted in referendum to disallow annexation of 17 acres of county land to stop a high-density development. We could go on and on.

But reasonable people must ask themselves this: Is it worth it to prevent so many people from having a home of their own so I can have things just the way I want them?

Tired old expressions are used repeatedly: “This new development will change the character of my neighborhood.” “Our town will lose its identity.” “Our way of life is being threatened.”

We are not fooled. What this really means is “I like the way things are now and I’m not going to let anyone else come in and change that.” This is not only selfish but short-sighted.

Why should just the generation that benefitted from the wealth of this country – those like me who built their incomes with access to high-opportunity jobs and reasonable, in-balance housing costs – be able to live in the best neighborhoods, in the best municipalities and prevent others from doing the same?

We’re shooting ourselves in the foot when we push back on all growth. Research has shown that increasing access to affordable housing is the most cost-effective way to reduce childhood poverty and increase economic mobility in America. Children living in stable, affordable homes are much more likely to thrive in school and have greater opportunities to learn inside and outside the classroom and increase their earning potential.

The hard truth is we don’t have enough housing in the county to satisfy demand. That is irrefutable. Experts and politicians from both sides say the same thing.

Ask the 20- and 30-somethings around Frederick County about their housing prospects. You’ll get an earful. Many are starting families and would like to find a starter home, but can’t. We have let them down. Sure, it has always been tough on young families trying to buy that first home, but the housing situation is worse now than it has ever been.

Young people have few options. Millennials are now the largest generation in American history, outpacing the baby-boomers. They are aging into their prime home-buying years with no homes to buy. In a recent survey, fully 55% of adults under age 30 say the lack of affordable housing is a major problem.

Add to the housing shortage the fact that we’re all living longer and hoping to age in place. This causes the turnover of existing homes to slow as well. Many seniors would like to downsize to a smaller home, thereby opening up larger homes to young families, but there is nowhere to downsize to.

The new housing director for Frederick County, Vincent Rogers, sees the problem clearly. “What happens when your adult children want to stay in the area and be close to their families? What happens when you have an elderly parent who can’t afford to stay in the home they are in now? I think it is critical for us to help people understand why increased housing is so important for our entire community.”

There’s nothing to be afraid of. In Frederick County and City (and even in the municipalities), new developments must pass a gauntlet of requirements before they are approved. Either the county or town can support a new development according to its capacity levels or the development must pay its own way. This includes water and sewer, schools, roads, parkland, forest conservation, and parking.

In the Ballenger Creek area of Frederick County (where Gary lives), we have lived it. The Orchard Park at Ballenger Run development in 2019 placed 210 affordable units into the market. He delivers medicine and meals to many of these good folks. Sure, traffic has increased and that took some getting used to, but additional lanes were added to Ballenger Creek Pike and that helped alleviate the problem.

School capacity increased temporarily, too. But the new development also paid for a new elementary school, a beautiful new 4-mile bike and walking path, and additional traffic lanes on Ballenger Creek Pike.

Was all this ideal? Of course not, but you must balance some inconveniences with the clear need for more people to have a home in Frederick County.

So, our plea to you is this: If we want to have a strong, vibrant community that does not stagnate because of the lack of affordable housing, and if we want children, young adults, and seniors to have a chance to live where they love, we must think twice before pushing back every single time a new development appears at our doorstep.

The Fonzie Phenomenon

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the October 31, 2024 edition of the Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

In 1974, America was going through very tough times. Watergate hearings droned on every day, the Vietnam War was ending haphazardly, and oil shortages had us all waiting in long gas lines and on edge.

So, it came as no surprise when a wave a nostalgia hit America. Many of us pined for gentler, easier times. The 1950s seemed to fit the bill nicely. The economy was good then and grandfatherly Dwight Eisenhower was in the White House. The hit movie “American Graffiti” (1973) and smash musical “Grease” (1971) both examined an innocent brand of everyday teen life to rave reviews.

Not to be outdone, in the fall of ’74, network television brought us a modest situation comedy called “Happy Days,” starring child actor Ron Howard of “Andy Griffith Show” fame. For the first time, Richie, Ralph, Potsy and Fonzie entered our living rooms. Little did we know, they would stay for more than a decade.

One can only imagine the chance the network took on building a show around a former child actor (Howard), a bunch of other unknown 20-something actors and a couple of mature, little known character actors, all portraying a modest 1950s, family-and-friends-are-everything lifestyle.

But, somehow, it worked.

Whatever the network executives saw in the show’s premise and the young actors was proved right. The show took an idealized look at life in the ’50s. The father owned a hardware store. Mom stayed at home and kept house. The teen characters fretted over girls and problems at school. There was a tough guy with a heart of gold. All of this was set in the comfortable backdrop of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The show was like “American Graffiti,” also starring Howard, by focusing on the teen lives of the main characters. Best friends Richie Cunningham (Howard), Potsy Webber (Anson Williams) and Ralph Malph (Don Most) hit all the right notes as teens trying to do their best but with a talent for getting in trouble.

The show didn’t do well at first. But soon it caught fire when it began featuring a minor, leather-clad character called Fonzie — or The Fonz. It’s difficult to overstate the influence of The Fonz on 1970s culture.

Henry Winkler as Arthur (Fonzie) Fonzarelli

Arthur Fonzarelli was played to “tough-guy-with-a-heart” perfection by a young, handsome, Yale-trained actor named Henry Winkler. The Fonz was a biker, a high school dropout and a bit older than the teens who idolized him, but he had a kind of magical coolness and street smarts that drew people to him. He would often enter the show with two or three young ladies on his arm.

Fonzie became one of the most memorable and merchandised characters of the 1970s. His image was on everything from lunch boxes and T-shirts to posters and soda cans. Henry Winkler became a major star and later parlayed his stardom into a lucrative movie career. His trademark leather jacket is now on display at the Smithsonian.

His catch phrases, which I can’t do justice to in print, were not scripted but created by Winkler. They included “sit on it” — an insult of epic proportions, “heyyyyyy!,” “whoa” and “correctamundo!” It wasn’t long before these phrases were on the lips of ‘70s teens and pre-teens everywhere.

It also didn’t hurt that Fonzie had superpowers. He could start any balky machine, including the local juke box, with a well-place rap of his fist, and he could instantly summon girls to his side with a snap of his fingers. He was the guy every man (and boy) wanted to be and every woman wanted to be with.

He had a kind of cool not seen on the small screen to this day. The only young character that came remotely close was James Dean in the movie “Rebel Without a Cause.” Everyone knew The Fonz was tough and could fight, but he never had to. His reputation always preceded him.

In 1999, TV Guide ranked Fonzie as No. 4 on its “50 Greatest TV Characters of All Time” list. Even so, the Emmy for best lead actor in a comedy eluded Winkler. He was nominated three times but never won. Decades later in 2015, he finally received his first Emmy for his performance on HBO’s “Barry.” Today, a bronze statue of The Fonz stands on the Milwaukee Riverwalk.

I believe one critical theme, eschewing convention, that creator Garry Marshall came up with that allowed the show to thrive was that The Fonz, who had absolutely no reason to do so, genuinely befriended the slightly nerdy teens. No one was quite sure why, but we all suspected it was because he could, and no one would say a word. Or, it may have been that he had a soft spot for those who are awkward and not as cool as him. It was probably a little of both.

Another theme that played well was the genuine love and respect the teens showed for the grownups. In turn, the grownups were supportive and gentle with the teens. The mutual love was easily apparent. The Cunningham parents were played pitch-perfectly by veteran actors Tom Bosley and Marion Ross. (Ross is still alive at 96.) The heart they brought to their much smaller parts was remarkable. Fonzi even had a soft spot for the motherly “Mrs. C.” She was the only one who could call him Arthur and get away with it.

“Happy Days” was one of the most successful shows of the 1970s. In its 11 seasons through 1984, it became the third longest-running sitcom in ABC’s history, with 255 episodes. In the 1976 and 1977 seasons, it was the No. 1 television show in America. The show spawned successful spinoffs “Laverne and Shirley” and “Mork and Mindy.” Both were culturally relevant in their own right.

The show played in syndication almost right away. One of my fondest memories from college in the mid- to late-‘70s, is playing cards between classes at the student union with pals of my own with “Happy Days” playing in the background.

At this year’s Emmy Awards, the now-famous duo of Howard and Winkler stole the show with their “Happy Days” reunion back at Arnold’s Malt Shop. Winkler even smacked the juke box to get it going like he did so many times in the ‘70s.

Doggone it, Halloween is full of furry fun

By Gary Bennett

One of the top winners in 2023 Canines on the Creek

This article appears in the October 24, 2024, edition of Frederick News-Post’s 72 Hours magazine.

When did pets, especially dogs, become such a large part of Halloween? According to a recent survey by PetSmart, 75% of pet owners are planning to dress up their pet for Halloween. Dogs lead the way, by a wide margin, as the pet of choice to don creative clothing. Most pet owners even plan to match their pet’s attire to their own!

It is clear most pet owners don’t intend to leave their pets behind when enjoying this fun season. Millennials lead the way in saying they’ll dress up their pets (86%), followed by Gen Z (81%), Gen X (74%) and Baby Boomers (59%).

All cohorts admit that social media posts drive this phenomenon. Pets clearly rule when it comes to social media, even more than children. About a third surveyed admitted that pets in costumes are designed to draw attention and get maximum likes. Kids in costumes trailed slightly behind.

It seems tempting to treat the prevalence of pups sauntering down the street dressed for the season with kids and parents in tow as a recent, social media-driven spectacle. But that is really not the case. As long as dogs have been human companions (going on 12,000 years now), humans have been dressing them.

Ancient Egyptians employed seldom-used dog collars as a status symbol. Around the time of Christ, Romans adorned their dogs with golden collars encrusted with diamonds and rubies. In 19th-century England, the royal family dressed their dogs in jackets and trousers, and the trend soon caught on. Not to be outdone, well-to-do French citizens of the same time dressed their dogs in costumes for social gatherings, travel and beach outings. They even had bathing outfits, silk jackets and tea gowns for their furry friends to lounge in.

It should be no surprise then that modern-day pet owners enjoy dressing up their fur babies for Halloween. After all, what is cuter than Butch as a pumpkin, hot dog or bumblebee?

But the question remains: Is this behavior good for the dog? Or, as one person told me last year, “Can’t we just let dogs be dogs?”

Well, I think we are.

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals believes that dog clothing should have a clear benefit to the dog — think sweaters in cold weather and paw protectors in hot weather. But one can reason that providing beneficial clothing to dogs does not preclude it from being beautiful or fun. Let’s face it, dogs are unaware of how they look. Therefore, the Society has concluded that if your pals are comfortable and appear happy, Halloween-themed clothing isn’t going to hurt them. Indeed, they may enjoy the added attention and smiles.

Have you ever wondered why people began dressing their dogs? One explanation is that many pets serve as an extension of the personality of their owners. If you like Halloween, you want Spot to like Halloween, too. Others like to honor their pals by bestowing human-like qualities on them. Who doesn’t speak long, complicated sentences to their pooch while they seem to intently listen? Still others may be lonely and have a need to get as close to their pets as possible — be a part of the pack, so to speak. But the main reason is simpler. According to surveys, most people say it’s just plain fun.

So if you plan to dress up your best friend for Halloween festivities, here are some tips from Frederick-based experts at the Humane Society, Animal Welfare League, and Frederick County Animal Control to make your day safe and fun:

• Measure your pup and make sure the costume fits well but not too tightly.

• Dogs always need a full range of motion. Make sure they can comfortably walk, eat, lie down and run.

• Avoid costumes with small buttons and other decorations pets can chew off and swallow.

• Avoid non-breathable fabrics like nylon and polyester.

• If your pal has never dressed up before, give them a few days to get used to their new duds before trotting them out in public. You can quietly assess their reaction in private.

• Not all dogs will enjoy dressing up. Watch for signs of stress, which may indicate a preference to remain unclothed: aggression, whining, excessive yawning, head-shaking, a refusal to move, panting or persistent body shaking.

The experts offered other tips for a safe Halloween season, even if your pets don’t dress up:

• Slowly introduce adult and children costumes and decorations a few days ahead to limit stress. Remember that humans dressed in scary costumes and big blow-up decorations are strange and novel objects to pets. Give them time to adjust.

• Offer treats and reassurance if you observe reactions such as startled jumps, flattened ears, flattened tails or cautious approaches.

• Never leash them into a spooky situation they can’t escape. Let dogs explore at their own pace.

• Practice doorbell chiming to get your pals used to the constant commotion of trick-or-treating. Reward patience and bravery with calm words and tasty treats.

• Keep human treats off limits to your pups and throw away those candy wrappers, too. Beware their ingesting even the smallest portion of chocolate or sugar-free candies that contain xylitol.

• If all else fails, remove your dog from the chaos. Consider creating a cozy space for your doggos to get away from all the ghouls and goblins.

If all systems are go and you’re ready to strut your mutt, here are the top 10 doggy costumes of 2022 according to Prosper Insights & Analytics 2022 Halloween Survey. Perhaps this will give you some ideas.

• Pumpkin • Hot dog • Bat • Bumblebee • Witch • Lion • Spider • Ghost • Superdog • Devil

A beautiful Taco contestant in 2023 Canines on the Creek

October Orneriness: Candy faces off this Halloween season

By Gary Bennett

Gary’s 32 “team” single-elimination candy bracket

This article appears in the October 24 issue of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment magazine.

The sweet season is upon us, and this can only mean one thing: It’s time for the titans of sugary deliciousness and empty calories to square off in what I lovingly call October Orneriness.

Sure, March has its Madness and Candy has its Crush, but no one, and I mean no one, can use those terms without hearing from the NCAA or King, the company behind the candy-themed game. Happily, October Orneriness is open to anyone with a sweet tooth and a penchant for gazing upon the wondrous candy aisle at your local Wegman’s.

Never heard of October Orneriness? Oh sure, like you’ve never raided the kids’ Halloween stash after they’ve gone to bed. That is where this term comes from.

So, without further ado, I present to you perhaps the only October Orneriness bracket you’ve ever seen (or probably ever will see).

Because loving candy is nearly universal (yes, I see you smirking, holier-than-thou fruit and veggie lovers out there), I encourage you to fill out your own October Orneriness bracket, just like with that March thing you do.

Allow me to explain my bracket so you can get some helpful tips on your own.

Just like with any good March Madness bracket, there must be some upsets. You can’t just pick the higher-ranked candy each time. Any good professional gambler or frat boy will tell you that never works out.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but just like in March, some of your favorite candies will not even make the tournament. That is sad, but that is life. Maybe next year.

Among the candies on the bubble but ultimately left out of my bracket are such stalwarts as Whatchamacallit (confusing name), Jolly Ranchers (will break your teeth when you least expect it), Bit-O-Honey (good for the dentist, bad for you), Smarties (look too much like my morning pill regimen), and Dove Bar (inexplicably, the Harvard of candy bars had finals on Selection Sunday and didn’t show).

As anyone can plainly see, I have Snickers going all the way. They are my national champ and personal favorite. Any gambler will tell you not to go with your heart, but I couldn’t help it. Snickers is the No. 1 ranked candy in the land (in sales) and is not to be trifled with. Kind of like the Yankees.

By now you’ve also noticed that my national runner up is Nerds. Nerds?! I can feel your seething astonishment through the newspaper.

I know of no one except 4-year-old boys and a certain 72 Hours editor that likes this candy. But I am not stupid, so, on a hunch, I will take them along on this wild ride! Along the way, I have Nerds taking out the highly underrated $100,000 bar (aka 100 Grand) and the No. 2 ranked candy in the land, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. They are the LA Dodgers of candy, with an unlimited marketing and TV budget. Alas, they will take Nerds too lightly and get knocked out in a squeaker. Kinda like Alabama rolling into Nashville to crush Vanderbilt. Not!

Going back to the semi-finals, I have Snickers, with their exquisite combination of chocolate, nougat (what is nougat, anyway?) peanuts and oozing caramel deliciousness defeating a scrappy Twix team, featuring a left and right cookie covered in chocolate and caramel. Their dynamic crunch and exquisite “mouth feel” almost got them to the finals. It could be, however, they are better suited to a cookie tournament.

Somehow, some way, I have Nerds defeating M&Ms in the semis. M&Ms could have won that one, but I don’t like their silly, life-size, talking M&M commercials or their split personality disorder — are they plain, peanut or both? Every now and then they’re even dark chocolate!

In the round of eight, Skittles, Kit Kat and Hershey Kisses make an appearance. Skittles will not overcome their obvious lack of chocolaty-ness. If you’re going to stuff a handful of little candies in your mouth, they might as well be chocolate. Kit Kat is okay, and my granddaughter’s personal favorite, but their little wafers and little crunch cannot overcome Twix’s big cookies and mammoth crunch.

Hershey Kisses is one of the all-time greats, but their day has come and gone, I believe. They are too big to shove a handful in your mouth and too small to be happy with just one at a time. Yes, I said it.

Noteworthy match ups in the first two rounds include Zagnut defeating Baby Ruth (coconut will overcome peanuts for this one time only); Almond Joy over Junior Mints — the latter has never been the same after their hilarious star turn on “Seinfeld” (Google it); Good & Plenty using their scrappy licorice-flavored mojo to squeeze by the messy, Bart Simpson-led Butterfinger team; and Starburst overcoming Pay Day when a cherry one becomes stuck in Pay Day’s throat and nearly chokes it.

The last four in the tournament are candy corn — not even a proper noun and possibly the most hated candy in America; Sour Patch Kids — candy should be sweet, nee must be sweet, not sour; SweeTARTS — see the previous comment; and Laffy Taffy — defeated by Bit-O-Honey in a sticky, floss-inducing play-in game.

Relive the timeless hits of ABBA

By Gary Bennett

The Concert: A tribute to ABBA will come to Frederick Oct 13

This article appears in the October 10, 2024 edition of Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment magazine.

I remember ABBA so well. Like a shooting star, the Swedish pop group came and went quickly. They burst on the scene in 1974 with a unique sound that featured rich female harmonies with backing vocals from a couple of satisfied-to-be-in-the-background males. But by the early ‘80s, they were finished as big hit makers.

But for those six or seven years, they were a group to be reckoned with — a global phenomenon of epic proportions and Sweden’s biggest “export” to the world.

On Oct. 13, we can relive the timeless hits of the ‘70s and early ‘80s as The Concert: A Tribute to ABBA takes center stage at the Weinberg Center for the Arts in Frederick.

Their music was bubblegum “poppy,” decidedly up-tempo and definitely “feminine.” As a male teenager in the ’70s, I couldn’t really admit to liking them, as I could with female rockers like, say, the band Heart. More than once, I had to quickly turn the radio down as pals piled into my car.

To say ABBA’s sound was unique would be an understatement. They are still immediately recognizable on certain Sirius XM channels and streaming services today.

The band was comprised of four members, and that’s how they got their name. Benney Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus (the two B’s in ABBA) wrote and produced all the songs and played piano and guitar. Agnetha Fältskog and Anni-Frid Lyngstad (the two A’s) sang the rich vocals while wearing very short mini-skirts and other dazzling costumes.

Like most bands, ABBA was no overnight success. The ABBA story began in Sweden in 1966 when Bjorn and Benny, who were playing for different bands, met and wrote their first songs together. In 1969 they met the women who would become their wives and musical partners.

After a few years of toiling and achieving modest success in Sweden, they entered a singing contest with the song “Waterloo” and won. Soon, “Waterloo” was No. 1 all over Europe and reached the top 10 in the U.S in 1974. About 18 months later in 1976, they hit it big again on the U.S. charts with “SOS” taken off their third album.

Later that year, “Mamma Mia,” perhaps their most widely known song because of the musical and movie, was released and spent time at No. 1 in the U.K. and amazingly, 10 weeks at No. 1 in Australia. Crikey! In the U.S., “Mamma Mia” peaked only at number 63. This song, however, established them as reliable hit makers and one of the most popular groups in the world.

Then, 1977 brought hits like “Fernando” and the ever popular “Dancing Queen,” the latter being ABBA’s only No. 1 U.S. single. That one will get you up and onto the dance floor even today.

In 1978, ABBA’s fourth original album “Arrival” was released and spawned hits “Money, Money, Money” and “Knowing Me, Knowing You.” Later that year, they completed a sold-out, worldwide tour, completed a feature film called “ABBA: The Movie” and their newest album called, naturally, “ABBA: The Album.”

The hits began to wane in 1979 as one of the married couples announced their divorce. This did not mean the complete end to ABBA, however. They completed their final tour in Japan in 1980 but also found the time and geniality to complete the “Super Trouper” album. In 1981 the other married couple divorced, effectively ending ABBA’s reign as one of the most unlikely top pop groups in the world.

A revival of sorts came in 1999 when the musical “Mamma Mia” premiered in London. It opened on Broadway two years later and became a cultural phenomenon. To date, more than 60 million people have seen it in over 400 cities. A successful movie version starring Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan was released in July 2008.

Today, ABBA is regarded as one of the all-time classic pop acts, acknowledged by their 2010 induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. All four group members are still alive, doing well and living in Sweden.

IF YOU GO:
The Concert: A Tribute to ABBA will start at 7:30 p.m. Oct. 13 at the Weinberg Center, 20 W. Patrick St., Frederick. Tickets start at $40 and are available at weinbercenter.org, by calling the box office at 301-600-2828, or in person.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

It’s Festival Season in Hardy County WV

By Gary Bennett

Late 18th century historical cabin that is open during Heritage Weekend in Mathias

This article appears in the Fall 2024 edition of Day Tripper Magazine.

If you long to be “far from the madding crowd,” as Thomas Hardy famously wrote, then Hardy County is the fall and winter destination for you. With just about 15,000 residents in the entire county, you’ll have plenty of room to stretch out and rediscover small-town America. And when you’re ready to mingle, check out these fall festivals.

Hardy County Heritage Weekend Festival

The Hardy County Tour & Craft Association sponsors this countywide festival, which will be held from Sept. 27 to 29. This celebration of the rich history and rural life of Hardy County showcases delectable foods, music and arts, craft shows, car shows, home tours, walking tours and Civil War encampments.

Now in its 71st year, the festival began as a way to raise funds for the public library, and Hardy County has continued that proud tradition. Each year, a historic home is chosen for immortality by placing its image on a decorative tile for display at the library. This year the honored home is the Lost River General Store.

The festival’s Americana-inspired house tour will include historic homes and buildings that represent an event in Hardy County history.

For more information on Hardy County’s Heritage Weekend Festival, visit heritageweekend.com or call 304-530-0280.

Pizza oven at Lost and Found Pizza in Mathias

Wardensville Fall Festival

Tucked away in the northeast corner of Hardy County, just 20 miles from Route 81 near Winchester, lies the charming village of Wardensville. Their fall festival will be held Oct. 11 to 13 and is set to feature more than 100 vendors, a parade, crafting demonstrations, artists painting, a car show, performances, bingo, fire truck rides, a cookout and the crowning of the parade marshalls. All proceeds benefit the Capon Valley Volunteer Fire Company.

For more information, call 304-874-3424.

Check out Visit Hardy’s website, visithardywv.com, throughout the fall for updates on other festivals that weren’t confirmed by press time, like the WV Turkey Festival & Pageant in Mathias.

Moorefield’s Holidays on Ice

In early December, you can enjoy the town of Moorefield’s Christmas Tree Lighting and Parade on Main Street, sponsored by the Moorefield Lions Club. Then, keep the fun going and strap on those ice skates at Moorefield’s Town Park for free ice skating.

Beginning around Thanksgiving, Moorefield’s “Holidays on Ice” highlights their cozy winter wonderland. Each weekend through early February, the town provides a new batch of activities to keep the holiday spirit alive. A concession stand run by a different community organization each week plies visitors with tasty hot dogs, pepperoni rolls, popcorn, desserts, and hot cocoa as patrons while away the hours on the ice.

Some skating sessions are geared toward teens with disc jockeys blasting out popular tunes, while others cater to the younger set with arts and crafts, such as make-your-own snowman or Christmas tree.

The Moorefield Town Park is at 220 Spring Ave. For more information, visit mfldparks@hardynet.com or call 304-530-6142.

The Maine Squeeze: A summer trip here is delightful

By Gary Bennett

Thus article appears in the September 5, 2024, issue of the Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

It was the beginning of summer here in the “land of pleasant living” in 2022, and the heat was already oppressive. My wife and I wanted to get away to somewhere with bright, 70-degree days and cool, 50-degree nights. In other words, we wanted a Maryland fall but with beaches and ocean.

We’ve tried the Shenandoah Valley and the Poconos. Both are great, of course, but can’t deliver on beaches and ocean. Ocean City has the beaches and ocean but not the weather (or slower pace) that we wanted. Enter our Maine discussion! We decided to spend a week exploring the state.

First, let’s get our bearings. Maine is the northeastern-most U.S. state and the largest (by far) but least populated of the New England states. Maine is well known for many things: its jagged, rocky coastline; sandy beaches like Old Orchard and Ogunquit; colorful maritime history; picturesque lighthouses; fresh, tasty lobsters; enormous moose; seemingly never-ending white pine trees; Mount Katahdin, one end of the Appalachian Trail; and untouched natural areas like Acadia National Park.

We went into this trip wondering why one of Maine’s nicknames is “vacationland,” but after a few days, we wondered no more. Spending a week in Maine was perhaps the most satisfying vacation we’ve taken. Everything was just so perfect: friendly people, charming accents, quirky places with Native American-inspired names, remarkably fresh food, breathtaking scenery and a satisfyingly slow pace of life.

Largest lobster in the world at Taste of Maine

We set off for Maine in our comfy SUV in June 2022, heading up the East Coast on I-95 to make good time. We had already booked two stops at cozy bed and breakfasts in Kennebunk and Bar Harbor. Since our first Maine stop, Kennebunk, is about 9 hours driving time from Frederick, we decided to stay overnight in New York City and take in a Broadway show. The next day, we got up early and headed north into coolers temps.

Driving close to the coast, we passed the heavily industrial Connecticut cities of Stamford, Bridgeport and New Haven, home to Yale University. Cruising into watery Rhode Island, we passed by the picturesque state capital of Providence. We carefully made our way around metropolitan Boston and up the coast of New Hampshire, where we finally started to see traffic and the pace of life slow. We departed I-95, no longer wishing to make time, in favor of Route 1 to take in the sights, sounds and scents of small-town life.

The drive through New Hampshire only takes about an hour before you arrive in Maine, perfectly nicknamed on welcome signs as the Pine Tree State.

In another 30 minutes, we were in Kennebunk. Be advised there’s also a Kennebunkport, right on the ocean, of course, and made famous during two presidencies as the summer home of the Bushes. All told, it was a relatively easy 5-hour drive from New York City to Kennebunk.

In Kennebunk, we stayed in a lovely bed and breakfast called The Tides, located right across from Goose Rocks Beach, which is technically part of Kennebunkport and one of the best sandy beaches you’ll find on the Maine coast. We enjoyed almost three miles of soft, white sandy beach that offered incredible views of the Atlantic and some small offshore islands. The tidal pools that form are also a hit during the summer, making a great place to float along in a natural lazy river. This beach is about as family-friendly as it gets in the state and is a favorite to spend time on during the warmer months.

Our three days in Kennebunk flew by as we enjoyed the beach, strolling the beautiful little village and eating at cozy restaurants. As you might imagine, we didn’t starve. We delighted in delicious lobster rolls, wonderful blueberry pancakes with fresh homemade maple syrup tapped from nearby trees and, surprisingly, Texas-sized steaks and fillets. We rented bikes for a lovely excursion up the beach and through neighboring villages, making sure to get back in time to take in a startlingly red “strawberry” moonrise over the ocean at dusk (we’d wondered why folks were traipsing over to the beach with their flashlights in hand).

In Old Orchard Beach, just up the road from Kennebunk, we spent a day at New England’s largest beachfront amusement park, Palace Playland. It was like taking a step back in time. At this family-owned attraction, we enjoyed the old wooden roller coasters, midway-style rides, water slides, carnival games and Maine’s largest arcade. Exhausted after a day in the bright sun cooled by ocean breezes, we decamped back to our friendly Kennebunk B&B to plan our morning departure to Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park.

On our way, we couldn’t help but stop at Taste of Maine restaurant in Woolwich, about an hour from Kennebunk. There, we found two of the world’s largest lobsters waiting for us. An inflatable lobster, measuring 70 feet long and 12 feet tall, greeted us from the roof. And the “world’s largest lobster roll,” at 2-feet long and packed with over a pound and half of lobster meat, greeted us inside. We didn’t partake, but the views from the back deck were so incredible, we lingered longer than we should have. This place is a must-visit when in the area.

Bar Harbor is about 3 hours northeast of Kennebunk and 2 hours from Woolwich. Sunrise in the summer is at about 4:45 a.m., which can take a little getting used to, but the air is so crisp and cool, you might not mind rising early.

Bar Harbor is a resort town of about 5,000 people that swells to many times that in the summer. Think Ocean City without the boardwalk or crowds. Still, it didn’t seem crowded there when we visited.

Bar Harbor is synonymous with great wealth. Many summer mansions dot the town, and numerous Rockefellers were born here.

We enjoyed strolling the quaint but hilly town while window shopping and reading menu boards, gazing out toward the Atlantic at the many little islands that seem to stand sentinel to the mainland, and walking across the bay. That’s right! Bar Harbor gets its name from a sand and gravel bar that is only visible at low tide, allowing tourists, day trippers, picnickers and hikers to wander about a mile across the bay to lovely Bar Island. It’s not often you get to explore the sea bottom, so we made that trip a few times.

Bar Harbor is also home to a large portion of Acadia National Park, which includes Cadillac Mountain, the highest point in Hancock County. It’s Maine’s only national park and, naturally, the easternmost in the U.S. We took a pleasant one-day excursion up Cadillac Mountain and enjoyed breathtaking views of the Atlantic, numerous tidal pools carved out among the granite rocks and impossibly green forests. A network of carriage roads — a gift from John D. Rockefeller — meanders throughout Acadia, making it easy to get around.

Don’t forget to try the Winter Harbor/Bar Harbor Ferry, one of the best boat tours in Maine. While technically a ferry that shuttles folks back and forth between Winter Harbor to the north and Bar Harbor, this ride on a converted lobster boat is also a scenic tour. For 45 minutes, you get a guided tour of Frenchman’s Bay and several of the islands and landmarks that occupy it between the two towns. Along the way, you’ll get an up-close look at the awesome cliffs of Ironbound Island, the Porcupine Islands, Winter Harbor Lighthouse and usually some wildlife — ocean sunfish, seals, porpoises, waterfowl and even the occasional whale.

There is so much we didn’t see during our weeklong visit to Maine that we can’t wait to go back. After all, Maine is a relatively large state and we stayed mostly “down east,” as the locals say.

Prepare to be spellbound if you take our suggestion and make Maine your next summer vacation destination.

Sad songs to help weather grief

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the August 29, 2024 issue of the Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

In honor of National Grief Awareness Day on Aug. 30, I listened to some of the saddest songs ever written and recorded, trying to pick out the saddest ones of all.

I’ve experienced my own share of grief, like most people my age: parents dying, siblings dying, losing jobs and losing love.

But as a volunteer counselor at Camp Jamie — Hospice of Frederick County’s grief camp for children — I’ve also been privy to the heartbreaking grief of kids who’ve lost parents. Nothing compares to that.

At camp, it always surprises me how effective music therapy is with grieving children. There’s just something about sad music that makes you realize you are not alone in your feelings — that others have experienced what you’re experiencing.

So if you’re experiencing some form of grief right now or just need a good cry, I present to you my top 10 saddest rock songs. Most deal with lost love, but there are some exceptions.

My No. 1 sad song not only features being jilted at the altar but also a father dying and a mother dying of grief because her husband died (“the only man she ever loved”). Suicide is contemplated along with the existence of God. All in about 3 minutes!

1. “ALONE AGAIN (NATURALLY)”

Gilbert O’Sullivan, 1971

This obscure Irish singer somehow penned the saddest No. 1 song I’ve ever heard. Amazingly, he never experienced any of the misfortunes he wrote so evocatively about.

“Left standing in the lurch at a church were people saying, ‘My God, that’s tough. She stood him up. No point in us remaining.’”

2. “MY HEART WILL GO ON”

Celine Dion, 1997

This Oscar-winner for best original song for “Titanic” mourns love lost in the most tragic of circumstances. Who can forget the mournful flute arrangement as Rose recalls Jack slipping away into the icy depths?

“Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on.”

3. “TEARS IN HEAVEN”

Eric Clapton, 1992

Clapton’s heartfelt ballad stems from unimaginable pain: mourning his 4-year-old son’s death from a fall from a 53-story building in 1991.

“Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?”

4. “LANDSLIDE”

Fleetwood Mac, 1975

Written and performed by Stevie Nicks, the song contemplates the regret that comes with getting older and things beginning to slip away.

“But time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I’m gettin’ older, too. I’m gettin’ older, too.”

5. “TRACES OF LOVE”

Classics IV, 1969

This ingenious songwriting mechanism uses souvenirs of a failed love affair to recall the pain.

“Faded photograph, covered now with lines and creases. Tickets torn in half, memories in bits and pieces. Traces of love long ago that didn’t work out right.”

6. “AT SEVENTEEN”

Janis Ian, 1975

This Grammy-winner for best pop female performance brutally depicts a teenage girl’s angst at not fitting in but desperately wanting to.

“To those of us who knew the pain of valentines that never came, and those whose names were never called when choosing sides for basketball.”

7. “CAT’S IN THE CRADLE”

Harry Chapin, 1974

Chapin’s only No. 1 song recounts the sad story of a dad who has no time for his young son growing up, but then the grown-up son turns the tables on his now-elderly dad.

“My son turned 10 just the other day. He said, ‘Thanks for the ball, Dad — come on, let’s play. Can you teach me to throw?’ I said, ‘Not today. I got a lot to do.’ He said, ‘That’s OK.’”

8. “BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX”

Glen Campbell, 1967

This Jimmy Webb-penned classic explores the difficulty in leaving a failed romance when the other person still loves you.

“By the time I make Oklahoma, she’ll be sleepin’. She’ll turn softly and call my name out low, and she’ll cry just to think I’d really leave her, though time and time I’ve tried to tell her so.”

9. “DUST IN THE WIND”

Kansas, 1977

This song, featuring a mournful violin arrangement, regrets the fact that human life, with all of its hopes and dreams, is ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

“I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes — a curiosity, dust in the wind. All they are is dust in the wind.”

10. “OPERATOR (THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT FEELS)”

Jim Croce, 1972

This tuneful ballad from the star-crossed, blue-collar rocker uses a fleeting friendship with a compassionate telephone operator to finally accept losing his love.

“Operator, could you help me place this call? ‘Cause I can’t read the number that you just gave me. There’s something in my eyes. You know it happens every time I think about the love I thought would save me.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Adele’s “Someone Like You,” The Beatles’ “Yesterday,” The Beatles’ “She’s Leaving Home,” Bee Gees’ “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart,” Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself,” The Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays,” Johnny Cash’s “Hurt,” Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car,” John Denver’s “(Sometimes I Feel) Like a Sad Song,” Elton John’s “Empty Garden,” George Jones’ “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” Gladys Knight and the Pips’ “Neither One of Us,” Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey,” Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U,” Roy Orbison’s “Crying,” REM’s “Everybody Hurts,” Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” and Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry.”

B-I-N-G-O! Where to try your luck in Frederick

By Gary Bennett

This article appears in the September 20204 issue of the Frederick News-Post’s Prime Time magazine.

So you think baseball is America’s national past time? Think again.

Go to any of the many Frederick institutions that offer bingo, and you’ll soon be convinced otherwise.

On any given day or night in Frederick, there is sure to be a bingo caller belting out letter/number combinations to rapt, lively crowds — in fire stations, civic clubs, veteran’s clubs, senior centers and nursing homes.

HISTORY

According to the National Bingo Game Association, bingo originated in Italy in the early 1500s. It was part of their national lottery.

It was popularized in New York in the 1930s as a good distraction for economic troubles brought on by the Great Depression. A toy manufacturer soon produced a boxed game called “Beano” because, originally, the numbers on a card were covered by beans. Legend has it the name changed to bingo when a friend of the manufacturer got so excited that she shouted “bingo!” when she won.

Today, it is estimated that over 60 million people in the U.S. play bingo regularly. About 10% play daily, 32% weekly, 53% monthly and 6% at least once a year. About the same number attended a Major League baseball game in 2023.

BENEFITS

Bingo is a sedentary activity, and that is one reason why so many seniors play it. But the biggest reasons? It’s a lot of fun, it offers the chance to socialize while playing and, in many cases, big money is at stake.

Scientists weigh in that bingo can help anyone, not just seniors, sharpen memory, think more quickly, improve mood, promote healing and hone hand-eye coordination.

WHO PLAYS?

We may have to change our perception of who the typical bingo players are. Greatest Generation? Nope. Baby boomers? No, again.

When you include casinos that offer it and online bingo games, Millennials lead the way. They are followed by Gen X-ers and Gen Z-ers. Baby boomers trail well behind.

It should be no surprise. The younger generations have embraced gambling apps (where bingo is now prevalent) and had more time than most to kill during the pandemic — and so turned to bingo, poker and other “old-time” games.

BINGO IN FREDERICK

Local establishments that offer bingo say it’s a wonderful draw and is often used as a fundraiser. People have time to eat and drink while playing and are not shy about spending their disposable income.

Bingo is mostly a game of chance, which puts all players on an equal footing. Many players like that.

But serious players think strategically to increase their odds of winning. The most basic rule is the more cards you play, the higher your chance of yelling “bingo!”

A serious player may also want to look for games where the winning pattern is more complicated than a typical straight line. The more complicated the pattern, say a Z pattern or blackout (where you must cover your entire card), the more likely that recreational players may fall behind or get confused. Serious payers also gauge the room for distracted and otherwise occupied players who may miss the chance to call bingo but still have their money at stake.

Bingo games often have progressive jackpots, which increase in value if more people buy into the game, so players need to find a balance between the number of players and the amount of money to be won.

A BABE IN THE WOODS (WITH ELKS)

An afternoon or evening of bingo may not be what you think.

I can attest as I recently attended my first cash bingo game. This was a great accomplishment for me. Heck, I’ve never even played the lottery!

I can advise you’d better be thinking clearly, as there are many decisions to be made, even before you settle into your chair for the first game. And once the games begin, your concentration and dexterity better be at its peak. Every second counts when playing bingo, and hand-eye coordination is paramount.

On a Tuesday afternoon at the Elks Lodge on Willowdale Drive, about 75 other folks and me packed into their grand ballroom to play a little bingo.

“A little bingo” is probably not the right phrase.

During a three-hour session, we played 22 games and even took time out for an occasional 50-50 raffle and several lotto (aka “pull tab”) drawings. We even had an intermission, which was great for mingling. Truth is, bingo begins to get a little tedious, but with money at stake, you tend to want to power through it.

Most of the players seemed to be regulars, their joking and kidding at odds with their clear thirst to win. Some of these friendly rivals were even passing around homemade cookies. Being new, I was afraid to try any.

Of the 75 players, about 90% were woman. The other men and I clearly stood out. When a man won, he got roundly booed. The in-person crowd, as opposed to online bingo games, was decidedly of the Greatest Generation cohort, followed not far behind by us boomers.

There was no shortage of help offered when I mentioned this was my first time. The sharks may have smelled fresh blood, but I was, nevertheless, happy to receive it.

First, I had to decide how many cards to purchase. For the 22 games, most featured a minimum card level of nine cards. Other games featured three cards and sometimes just one special card. I opted to spend just $20 for the minimum set of cards. Even then, I had more than 100 cards to juggle for the 22 games. Others had many more cards than I did and obviously spent much more money. The more players and the more money spent means larger jackpots and payouts.

I was handed a colorful stack of cards. Each game is played on a different colored card to keep things straight. I also purchased a handy “dabber,” which is how you mark the numbers called on your card.

Most games have a 50% payout, meaning the winners get 50% of the pot and the “house” gets 50%. A few special games featured a 75% payout.

Like most large bingo halls, the Elks’ grand ballroom features a high-end tumbling and floating ball machine that ensures random balls are selected, a video monitor trained on the drawn ball, and a large electronic board that displays all numbers that are called. It was indeed a professional setup.

Of the 22 games, each had a different payout. The winner of game one got $44; game 2, $60. The winner of the final “jackpot” walked away with $300. All other game winnings were in between these figures.

The room had a friendly but competitive vibe. However, you got the feeling that a lot of these sweet, little old ladies were out for blood.

I came away with no winnings but pledged to come back and try again.