An April Fools’ Day primer

By Gary Bennett

Gary as a hairy, unemployed biker. Airport security wanted this picture. I made their day.

This article appears in the Thursday, March 25 edition of the Frederick News-Post’s “72 Hours” entertainment insert.

Another April Fools’ Day is upon us, and it couldn’t have come at a better time! What? Have you not watched the news lately?

This great American un-holiday features trickery, monkeyshines, hoaxes, shenanigans and hijinks. Why April Fools’ Day is not a federal holiday, I’ll never understand.

April Fools’ Day comes on April 1 each year. No one quite knows why.

Some think it is connected to the vernal equinox, where Mother Nature fools us by changing weather from hot to cold every other day. One thing is for certain, however: Perpetrators must holler “April Fools!” at the end of the joke to clue in the unsuspecting party.

Though the day has purportedly been celebrated for centuries by different cultures, its exact origin remains a mystery. Some historians trace it back to ancient Rome and the appropriately-named festival of Hilaria. Others peg it to medieval France, when some fools couldn’t get the days straight on the newly created Gregorian calendar. (That’s actually pretty harsh. Can you imagine changing calendars today? We get grumpy just turning our clocks back one hour.)

The Brits ran with the concept in the 1700s, often sending people on phony cuckoo bird hunts. Later came “Tailie Day,” which involved pranks such as pinning fake tails or “kick me” signs on unsuspecting back ends.

My family must have lots of English blood. I can vividly remember my unsuspecting mother, who worked overnight at a Celanese plant in the 1970s, coming home with a fibery tail pinned to her derriere seemingly every morning.

My own grandchildren got in on the fun, too, by taping a “kick me” sign to my backside before a trip to the mall. Of course, I knew about it, but that didn’t stop me from playing along and listening to the heartwarming giggles as we strolled along.

The classic April Fools’ jokes of covering the toilet with plastic wrap or swapping the contents of sugar and salt containers are all well and good, but I would like you to think bigger.

To motivate you, here are some of the large-scale, classic April Fools’ jokes executed in recent history. They deserve our solemn respect.

• Swiss TV covered farm workers’ record spaghetti crop, complete with video of people harvesting the noodles from trees.

• George Plimpton reported on a rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch who could throw a ball 168 miles per hour

• An actor portraying Richard Nixon near the end of his life in 1992 announced he was running for president again, to the horror of everyone.

• Taco Bell announced they were purchasing the Liberty Bell and renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

• MIT engineering students dismantled the dean’s car and reassembled it on the administration building roof.

•••

Gary as a cool, hippie-type dude.

Not to be outdone, I am happy to relate my own efforts.

Before I do, please note that I am always happy to be the butt of the joke if it embarrasses someone else, preferably my good-natured but long-suffering wife. Also note that shenanigans don’t have to occur on Aprils Fools’ Day, but it helps!

For years, we have vacationed with very good friends in Florida. My buddy and I like to drive, while my wife and his wife prefer to fly. As good and faithful husbands, we always promise to pick them up at the airport, and we do.

For some odd reason that probably dates to my childhood, I delight in dressing up in outrageous costumes to meet my wife and her friend at the airport. I typically have a sign welcoming them to Florida and meet them with exuberant jolliness, much to their chagrin.

The looks on their faces are priceless as I stand in the welcoming line when they emerge from airport security. There is nowhere to hide. Pretending to not know me doesn’t work either. They are putty in my hands.

I have shown up at airports as the following:

• an Italian playboy in short shorts and a jaunty hat

• a cool hippie dude

• an extremely overweight and uncool tourist

• an unemployed biker.

Pro tip, if you are thinking of trying this yourself: Notify airport security before you change into your getup in the men’s restroom. They’re usually not amused, but it’s the right thing to do.

If you’re wondering about my buddy, no, he won’t dress up. But to his credit, he doesn’t try to talk me out of it.

Unfortunately, the cat’s out of the bag for me now, and I’m forced to be more creative. After years of happily flying without me, my wife now begs me to fly with her. If that fails, she has taken to searching the car for suspicious clothing before I depart.

Little does she know, I have costumers up and down the East Coast who are awaiting my call.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

Gary as the woefully out-of-place, jaunty European tourist, Armando.

Frederick woman’s MS diagnosis inspires her to help others

By Gary Bennett

Robin Brown

This article appears in the Health & Fitness section of the Frederick News-Post, March 26, 2024.

Frederick resident Robin Brown remembers getting her multiple sclerosis diagnosis like it was yesterday. It hit her like the proverbial ton of bricks.

“I woke up one Saturday morning — it was April 26, 2008; I was 47 years old — and felt a tingling on my left side. I’d never felt anything like it before. Because a dear childhood friend had just survived two brain aneurisms, I got scared and took myself to the ER.”

Once there, she endured an MRI of her brain and spine. The neurologist on call delivered the bad news that she “probably” had MS.

Since MS is notoriously challenging to diagnose, she soon found herself at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore for what she hoped would be a reversal of the initial diagnosis. She got the requisite lumbar puncture (also known as a spinal tap), which was frightening in its own right, and when the proteins came back positive for MS, the diagnosis was official.

“It was shocking,” Brown said. “No one in my family has it. My mother has rheumatoid arthritis, so I thought it may be that. The doctors ruled out other auto-immune disorders first such as Lyme disease and lupus. It only took four months to get my diagnosis, and that’s not normal. It usually takes a lot longer.”

Robin Brown and her “peeps” bring awareness to MS, raise funds and support each other.

WHAT IS MS?

Multiple sclerosis is a disorder in which the body’s immune system attacks the protective covering of the nerve cells in the brain, optic nerve and spinal cord, called the myelin sheath. It causes communication problems between the brain and the rest of the body. It is potentially disabling and affects nearly 1 million Americans.

Doctors don’t know why this happens. It is not necessarily genetic, environmental or due to the actions of the patients. Some studies show it may be a virus that can be contracted as a teen and remains dormant until later in life, but nothing has been conclusive.

Signs and symptoms of MS vary widely between patients and depend on the location and severity of nerve fiber damage in the central nervous system. Some people with severe MS may lose the ability to walk independently. Other individuals may experience long periods of remission with no new symptoms.

There is currently no cure, but treatments are available to help speed the recovery from attacks, modify the course of the disease and manage symptoms.

GETTING TO WORK

There is a bright side to Brown’s harrowing diagnosis.

In characteristic fashion, she threw herself immediately into the fight to find a cure. She was diagnosed in 2008 and began her association with the National MS Society the next year, where she’s been a valuable fundraiser and leader ever since.

To help find a cure and support those with MS, Brown is active in the MS Society’s main worldwide fundraiser, Walk MS.

“Walk MS brings us together,” she said. “I love that it gives me the opportunity to make others aware. It helps me feel not so alone. When I was diagnosed, I felt very alone.”

Walk MS is an event held in hundreds of cities throughout the world where the MS community, including supporters and loved ones, come together to walk, run or bike in support of those living with MS and raise funds to help find a cure.

Everyone is welcome to participate. There is no registration fee or fundraising minimum. While there is no fee to participate, every dollar raised helps those living with MS and their supporters. Since its inception in 1988, Walk MS has raised more than $1 billion to help people with MS and their caregivers.

According to Brown, the funds don’t all go to science. Some are used for critical but sometimes overlooked things, like respite care for caregivers, walking devices or vehicles that are wheelchair accessible.

“I do this for everybody, and, of course, it could be me one day that needs these things.”

WALK MS FREDERICK

Frederick’s next Walk MS event begins at 9 a.m. April 13 at Frederick High School. The day starts with a snack, sponsor booths, photos and an official ceremony.

At 10 a.m., participants start walking on the site’s supported and accessible routes, winding their way through Baker Park and back to Frederick High. There is a 3-mile route and a 1-mile route for those not quite as ambitious. The route is accessible for wheelchairs and strollers. The event concludes at noon.

New attractions this year include the Center for People Living with MS and Circles of Support. The Center provides information about the MS Society programs and resources, including self-help groups and navigators. Individuals living with MS also receive swag items there.

Circles of Support provides complimentary hand-held circles to use during the opening ceremony: yellow for those who support the mission to cure MS, green for those who love or care for someone with MS and orange for those who live with MS. The waving signs are sure to be a memorable scene at the event.

Since recent COVID-19 restrictions have been detrimental to the Frederick walk, Brown has been asked to help rejuvenate this year’s event. Her role is to be a powerhouse fundraiser and key awareness advocate for the society and walk. She has done so for many years. She heads up a team affectionately known as Robin’s Peeps, a group of 10 to 12 team members who bring awareness to MS, raise funds and support each other.

In 2023, Frederick’s MS Walk raised about $62,000 and had 295 participants. Brown and her team raised $15,000 of this total and was the top team in Frederick. Brown personally raised $13,475 of the $15,000, which ranked her No. 157 in the nation, out of more than 100,000 participants.

The goal for the 2024 Walk is to have more than 350 participants and raise $67,000. The Greater D.C.-Maryland chapter, of which Brown is a member, aims to raise $1.2 million this year during their 10 Walk MS events in Maryland, D.C. and Northern Virginia.

LIVING WITH MS

Brown does all this even though she has been one of the lucky ones whose symptoms have not progressed over the years. She doesn’t take this good fortune for granted. She leads an active life and works full-time as an associate agent in a busy insurance office.

“I know how lucky I am. I found the correct neurologist for me, and together we chose the correct treatment,” she said. “I use a medication called Rebif, which is injected three times a week. I am faithful to it, and it’s worked well for me. I’ve been on that same treatment since September 2008, and it has held everything at bay.”

Brown also credits her support system as key to her success. She counts support from her husband, mother, sister, other family members and countless friends as immeasurable.

“It is support for which I never have to ask. I attribute my success to working hard to manage my MS and to this unwavering support.”

Her deceased father also plays a surprisingly key role.

“My dad, who passed away in ’22, was always amazed about my attitude toward MS. He used to say that I have such a positive attitude that it’s never going to beat me. I hold on to that. It’s almost as if I just don’t want to let him down.”

Brown also co-leads a local peer support group called Messy Friends, with Dee Walter, a fellow MS warrior. The group allows folks to know they are not alone. They serve as a resource to provide information and share individual experiences.

“We Messy Friends don’t know everything, but we usually have access to information that’s helpful,” she said.

Gary Bennett is a longtime Frederick resident who spends his time hiking, biking, volunteering and providing childcare for grandchildren. He is married and retired from his career as a nonprofit marketing executive.

Take Everyone Out to the Ball Game

New stadium, minor league team coming to Hagerstown this spring

By Gary Bennett

Rendering of Meritus Park in Hagerstown

This article appears in DayTripper Magazine, Spring 2024.

Meritus Park, the nearly $70 million, 4,000-seat stadium, financed by the State of Mayland, promises to be a game changer for Hagerstown, which has hosted minor league baseball for over 100 years. Construction began in the fall 2022 and is scheduled to wrap up in time for the opening game on May 3.

“It’s going to be an incredible facility not just for baseball, but for other events like festivals and concerts and will really provide a huge boost to Hagerstown’s downtown economy,” said David Blenckstone, general manager of Hagerstown’s new minor league baseball team and the stadium’s first tenant.

“The stadium will reflect the city of Hagerstown with an emphasis on railroads and bricks, two industries the city was really known for historically. We are proud of all the art that will adorn the concourses, too,” said Blenckstone.

Minor League Baseball’s newest team, the Hagerstown Flying Boxcars, will call the stadium home and compete in the Atlantic League. They are one of 10 teams in the Atlantic League this year. The players’ skill level will be tantamount to AA or AAA players.

Hagerstown Flying Boxcars logo including mascot Stryker and a C-119 “flying boxcar”

So, what’s a flying boxcar? 

A team naming contest held last year garnered 1,700 responses. The clear winner was a nod to Hagerstown’s proud aviation past. The sprawling local Fairchild plant was a key builder of the C-119 Flying Boxcar for both the Navy and Marine Corps in the 1940s. The nickname aptly represents the giant military transport aircraft developed to carry both cargo and personnel into battle in Europe.

As for the stadium, Meritus Park will boast all the amenities you would expect from a minor league ballpark plus many you might not. Construction of the stadium is in the hands of the Maryland Stadium Authority, famous for their creative stewardship of Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

“The stadium is designed not just for the hard-core baseball fan but also for the casual one who is looking for an enjoyable, social evening out,” said Blenckstone.

One notable feature will be the 360-degree concourse that allows fans to walk completely around the inside of the stadium. That’s not something you find at Harry Grove Stadium or other typical minor league parks.

The stadium will have a full-service bar in the left field area and a beer garden in right. A picnic area greets you near the main gate and a family-friendly zone is right behind first base. The video board, lighting system and sound system are promised to be of major-league quality and state of the art.  

Stryker getting ready for opening day

Attendees at an evening game can easily make a day of it because of the downtown location. A pleasant mile-long walkway called the Hagerstown Cultural Trail runs along the ballpark for about a half mile, connecting visitors to the arts and entertainment district, Hagerstown City Park and Fine Arts Museum.

Highly rated local restaurants within easy walking distance of the stadium include: Broad Axe, Bulls and Bears, 28 South and Schmankerl Stube—a quintessentially German-themed restaurant serving hearty Bavarian fare.

Fans will certainly have no trouble finding the stadium. It sits near the corner of West Baltimore Street and Summit Avenue in downtown Hagerstown right next to the old Hearld-Mail newspaper building. The stadium’s tall and imposing façade and light stanchions will dominate Hagerstown’s skyline.

Parking should be no problem either. The City of Hagerstown is contributing a 400-car parking deck right next to the stadium. Plus, two more existing parking decks are within 3 blocks of the stadium.

The season begins in early May. Get tickets at FlyingBoxcars.com.  

Themed nights will include Silver Sluggers Tuesdays—special ticket prices and giveaways for those 55 and older—and Double Dog Days Wednesdays—bring your pooch and enjoy discounts on hot dogs. See a complete list is at FlyingBoxcars.com.

Catch Games in Frederick, MD, Too

The Frederick Keys

By Gary Bennett

Keyote, mascot of the Frederick Keys

This article appears in DayTripper magazine, Spring 2024.

The Keys are back for another exciting season of MLB Draft League baseball. The 2024 season kicks off June 4 at the West Virginia Black Bears. Opening Day at Harry Grove Stadium is June 11 against the Trenton Thunder. 

The 2024 schedule can be found at https://www.mlbdraftleague.com/. Ticket prices begin at $9 for general admission and are available at the box office and online at https://www.mlbdradftleague.com/frederick.

Fireworks will be featured after every Friday and Saturday home game, plus the Fourth of July Fireworks Extravaganza will be held Wednesday, July 3, and fireworks are planned for Sunday, Sept. 1.  

The Keys will be the only baseball tenant at Harry Gove Stadium this year, as the Spire City Ghost Hounds, part of the South Division of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball last year,  are on a one-year hiatus, with their return slated for 2025.

This is the fourth year of the Keys’ participation in the MLB Draft League. It is a six-team league with a split-season amateur-professional format. The first half features MLB draft-eligible players. The second half switches to a professional format, with paid players comprising the six rosters.

Can Frederick County ever be ‘Montgomery County North?’

By Gary Bennett and Hugh Gordon

You hear the sentiment thrown around all the time: “If we don’t stop all of this development, Frederick’s going to become Montgomery County North.”

Hyperbole? Sure. But like a lot of things, if we don’t rely on facts, misinformation can take hold.

It makes a nice political sound bite and is easy to fall back on when we see traffic getting heavier and schools more crowded. We do have an infrastructure problem that will take real political will to solve.

The hard truth, however, is we still don’t have enough housing in this county to satisfy demand. That is irrefutable.

Experts and politicians from both sides say so. But not just that, ask the 20- and 30-year-olds around Frederick who would like to purchase a starter home but can’t. Ask the working parents about finding a reasonable rent that doesn’t take most of their paycheck.

Ask the 60- or 70-year-olds who want to downsize but can’t find anything to downsize into. The problem is real and the construction you see is Frederick County’s attempt to bring balance back to the housing market.

When comparing Frederick County with Montgomery County, here are some facts to consider.

Size

Montgomery County is huge. Frederick County has about 290,000 people; Montgomery County has nearly 1.1 million.

In geographic size, Frederick County is the largest in the state. We have a land mass of about 660 square miles. Montgomery County has about 493 square miles. Frederick County has a density of about 440 people per square mile while Montgomery County’s is about 2,100 people per square mile. It would take growth of biblical proportions for Frederick County to get anywhere near the density of Montgomery County.

Growth

Frederick and Montgomery counties are growing at comparable rates. Most growth in Montgomery County is concentrated in nine large cities or areas, including Bethesda and Silver Spring, which mostly border Washington, D.C. In Frederick County, most growth is centered in and around the city of Frederick, where infrastructure and transit options are strongest.

In Montgomery County, the growth in the larger cities near Washington, D.C., has been allowed to run together, giving it a feel of sprawl. In Frederick County, most municipalities have adopted slow-growth policies. Because of this and the open-space initiatives discussed below, there can be no running together of municipalities in Frederick County.

Open space

In Frederick and Montgomery counties, large swaths of land must be kept perpetually rural because of Maryland’s agricultural reserve program. In fact, the northern part of Montgomery County is just as rural, if not more so, than Frederick County. One-third of Montgomery County, or 93,000 acres, has been designated as the Agricultural Reserve.

But Frederick County does a better job.

Its priority preservation program seeks to permanently preserve at least 160,000 acres of agricultural land and protect a total agricultural base of 200,000 acres as a rural reserve to support a diversity of agricultural practices.

When you add on land in programs like the conservation reserve enhancement program (CREP) and the Creek Releaf program, land protected in stream buffers and county parkland, the county aims to have over 200,000 of its 427,000 acres (47%) in some type of program that is or is intended to be protected against development.

The availability of adequate public facilities focuses planning and development on the municipalities of the county, chiefly the city of Frederick. Therefore, discussions shouldn’t center on maintaining the agricultural nature of the county that we all love — that is not going away—but rather should be focused on how we can best plan for development in the municipalities of the county.

Migration

It is convenient to claim that large numbers of people from Montgomery County are moving to Frederick County every day to escape growth and taxes. Some of that is happening, but not as much as we think.

According to the 2020 American Community Survey, roughly 16,000 people migrated into Frederick County from 2016 to 2020. During this same time, about 14,100 migrated out, for a net gain of nearly 2,000. Would anybody have guessed this?

Of the 16,000 who migrated into Frederick County during this time, about 3,200, or 20% came from Montgomery County. But, 2,200 Frederick County residents migrated to Montgomery County during this time, for a net of about 1,000 people.

Yes, in-migration from Montgomery County is higher than for any other Maryland county, but it is certainly not an invasion. Interestingly, when you look at per capita in-migration, Carroll and Washington counties lead the way.

Editor’s note: Gary Bennett is a retired marketing executive. Hugh Gordon is the association executive for the Frederick County Association of Realtors and has decades of experience in the real estate world, including 24 years as a mortgage banker. They are longtime Frederick County residents and members of the Frederick County Affordable Housing Council.