Francis Scott Key Lions Club, in conjunction with Downtown Frederick Partnership and Leader Dogs for the Blind, is hosting its second annual Canines on the Creek event, Saturday, July 3, 3 – 5 pm in the trellis area of Carroll Creek.
The event features a dog and owner patriotic-themed costume contest and parade, a dog training demonstration from Sit Means Sit of Frederick, speakers, giveaways, and discounts from exhibitors. Some of the dog-friendly exhibitors scheduled to attend are Sit Means Sit, Camp Bow Wow, Pet Smart, My Pet Store and More, Happy Dog Groomers, Green Canine, T and L Company, Viatoris Dog Training, Megan Purtell Photography and Frederick Friends of Our County Animal Shelter. Businesses serving dogs and their owners that wish to exhibit should contact FSK Lion Gary Bennett at 301-606-3012 or gabennet01@comcast.net.
Last year’s event was held on March 7 and featured a St. Patrick’s Day- themed costume context and parade. Due to Covid, this year’s event was moved to July 3 and will kick off the long Fourth of July weekend.
According to event chair Lion Gary Bennett, the highlight of the day’s activities is the costume contest and parade. “Watching the parade is free but if you wish to participate, we ask for a small donation to the nonprofit organization Leader Dogs for the Blind,” said Bennett. Dog owners can sign up at fsklions.org/canines. “The costume contest and parade are loads of fun. We judge the entries and have prizes for best owner and dog look-alikes, best small breed costume and best large breed costume.”
Along with the costume contest, parade and demonstrations, attendees will have the chance to speak to vendors that provide services to dogs and their owners and can take advantage of event discounts. The event will take place rain or shine.
“Frederick’s dog friendliness is well known and observed everyday downtown,” Bennett said. “And since Leader Dogs for the Blind is a key organization that Lions support, the idea for this event seemed to be a no-brainer. We hope it takes off in years to come and becomes a draw for Carroll Creek and downtown Frederick and at the same time helps support this worthwhile organization.”
Leader Dogs for the Blind raises and provides leader dogs for blind and low-sight individuals all over the world at no cost to the recipient helping them live a life of independence and mobility. FSK Lions Club serves the Frederick community through eyeglass donations, free used medical equipment lending, and sponsorships.
For more information on this event and to sign up to participate in the costume contest and parade, visit fsklions.org/canines.
{Editors Note: Roger Wilson is a democratic member of Frederick’s Board of Alderman. He has been accused of sexual misconduct by several female acquaintances.}
A couple of years ago, I ran into Alderman Roger Wilson in the audience at a Frederick County Council meeting. He noticed my Virginia Commonwealth University-logoed hoodie and explained that he attended that Richmond, VA school, too. He was there in his then role as the director of government affairs and public policy for the county. The exchange was pleasant enough but mostly unremarkable.
Fast forward two years and now Alderman Wilson finds himself in political turmoil for what he terms “flirting” and the independent investigation calls “unwelcomed sexual advances.” I do not know if the charges against Alderman Wilson warrant his expulsion from the city council. I do know, however, that we must demand his resignation from the council. Not because he necessarily did anything illegal, but because he should be ashamed of his lack of judgement and self-control when he should have known better.
Politicians must know, even in a small town, the spotlight is always on them. When they accept public office, their lives to a large extent become public, too. Shame used to be a powerful motivator but now, unfortunately, it seems to be a quaint relic of days gone by. Now, politicians only leave if they have no other choice, kicking and screaming “political hit job” as they go even after the charges have been proven. See Anthony Weiner, Denis Hastert, Tim Murphy, John Conyers and now, possibly, Florida republican Matt Gaetz.
As a lifelong democrat, I applaud the many democrats and the Frederick County Democratic State Central Committee who are calling for Mr. Wilson to resign from the city council. Mr. Wilson may indeed be innocent of any serious wrongdoing, but that doesn’t mean he is entitled to be a public figure. Serving in office should be a temporary honor, not a long-term career goal. Just as with Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) of New York, we must expect a higher standard of behavior from our leaders, not just enough to stay out of jail. We should demand better.
Maryland’s two mostly reticent U.S. senators, Ben Cardin and Chris Van Hollen.
Quick, can you name Maryland’s two democratic U.S. senators? If you came up with Ben Cardin and Chris Van Hollen without much effort, then you have better recall than me. And I’m a lifelong democrat who voted for both of them—and in Cardin’s case, multiple times.
There can be no doubt that neither Maryland U.S. senator goes out of his way to seek the limelight. It is difficult to recall the last time either was interviewed on the network news or even prime time cable news, which has hours of content to fill. Van Hollen has been a bit more vocal than Cardin, especially lately, but not by much. Even a search of this newspaper, the respected daily that covers the second largest city in Maryland, yields very little news coverage of either. And surprisingly, despite Frederick County slowly turning blue, neither Cardin nor Van Hollen currently has a Frederick office.
While Maryland’s other statewide office holder, Governor Larry Hogan, has dominated the local airwaves and print media with his management of Maryland’s response to the coronavirus pandemic, Senators Cardin and Van Hollen seem to be satisfied to stay in the background. Indeed, the pandemic and opposition to former President Trump has raised the visibility of Governor Hogan to levels not seen for a Maryland governor since Spiro Agnew in 1968 who was on his way to becoming Richard Nixon’s vice president.
Certainly U.S. senators are not responsible for administering policy at the state level like the governor, but it is perplexing that neither have provided a more vocal public stance in helping to convince Marylanders to do the right thing with masks, social distancing and vaccinations.
And, there hasn’t been much of an opportunity for either senator to shine during the last two years of the Trump presidency. During that time, not much got accomplished in the Senate except the nomination and approval of federal judges. A look at Cardin’s and Van Hollen’s 2019 and 2020 day-by-day voting records shows a series of no votes for almost all federal judges nominated by Trump and not much else. With a new democratic president and a democrat-led Senate in place now, there should be more opportunity to legislate and lead, but we’ll have to see.
With his unobtrusive and low-key persona, it is surprising to find that Ben Cardin is rated as a very effective U.S. senator. According to research conducted by the Center for Effective Lawmaking at Vanderbilt University in 2018, Ben Cardin was ranked as the sixth most effective democratic senator out of 45. At the other end of the spectrum, Chris Van Hollen ranked forty-second, owing mostly to his relatively short time in the Senate and junior status. The democratic senators rated as most effective are Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Jon Tester (D-MT), and Gary Peters (D-MI).
To be sure, ranking the effectiveness of U.S. senators is at best a subjective exercise that you are free to discount. After all, the rankings did not take into account important but hard to measure activities such as constituent pride in having them as a senator, loquaciousness, leadership qualities, combativeness toward the other side, constituent service and performing oversight of the executive branch.
But what the study did attempt to do was evaluate the effectiveness of each senator in moving their agenda through every step of the legislative process. The resulting effectiveness scores were based on the number of bills a legislator sponsored, how far each of those bills advanced, and its relative substantive significance. Full rankings, methodology and an executive summary may be found at thelawmakers.org.
Without a doubt, Mr. Cardin’s longevity in the Senate drives his perceived effectiveness. He has been a U.S. senator since 2007. Unless he retires—Mr. Cardin is currently 77 years old—he’ll stand again for reelection in 2024. He is chair of the Small Business and Entrepreneurship Committee and a senior member of the Foreign Relations, Finance, and Environment & Public Works Committees. Among his accomplishments are helping to write the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP), sponsoring laws guaranteeing dental care to children under CHIP and prohibiting racial profiling at all levels of law enforcement.
Mr. Van Hollen was elected in 2016 and will stand for reelection in 2022. He has not reached chair or senior member status of any Senate committee yet. He is a member of the Appropriations; Banking, Housing & Urban Affairs; Environment & Public Works; and Budget Committees. He has been unable to make much headway into his stated priorities: ensuring more and better jobs, strengthening small business, and increasing educational and job training opportunities. But there is potential for him to be successful in the Senate. A member of the House from 2002 to 2016, he is credited with pushing through substantial legislation in areas such as protecting the Chesapeake Bay, fighting childhood cancer, and assisting families of children with disabilities.
It’s too early to see what the future holds for either Cardin or Van Hollen. While some senators run for president to simply raise their profiles, it seems unlikely that Van Hollen and especially Cardin will mount such an attempt in the near future. Cardin is 77 years old and may retire at the end of his term in 2024. Van Hollen is 61 and very ambitious. But relatively unknown democratic presidential candidates from Maryland tend to not get too far. Just ask Martin O’Malley and John Delaney.
It seems more likely that Van Hollen will face Larry Hogan in an epic match up for senator in 2022 even though Hogan has said publicly that he is not interested in running for that office after his term as governor ends. After flirting in 2020, he seems more interested in a longshot run for president in 2024. But with his ability to win democratic votes in an overwhelmingly blue state, the pressure for him to run for Senate to help tilt it red may be too strong to turn down. As for Cardin, if he does retire in 2024, the odds-on favorite to replace him has to be our new rising political star, Representative Jamie Raskin, fresh off his star turn in the second Trump impeachment trial.
Voters patiently waiting in line in Wisconsin on Election Day 2020.
As seen in the Frederick News-Post, Thursday, April 1, 2021
By Gary Bennett
In a recent FNP letter to the editor, the writer made a gallant attempt to explain H.R.1 and S.1, For the People Act of 2021, the controversial bills winding through both Houses of Congress. They address voter access issues such as automatic and same-day registration, vote-by-mail, and early voting among other things. The writer can’t be blamed for missing one important item, because like a lot of bills written by deep-state, congressional staffers, the devil is not in the details but in the footnotes!
A close reading of footnote 8371.4/3.5 in H.R.1 allows that citizens showing fealty to the former Confederate States of America, including actions such as displaying the confederate flag and protesting the removal of confederate general statues, be hereby flagged for voter registration review. To be fair, this doesn’t mean that said people cannot vote, only that they could be effectively tied up in review well past Election Day 2022. This is outrageous, but I’m sure the deep-staters use this logic: “Trump sympathizers, some parading the confederate flag through the capitol on Insurrection Day 2021, were hellbent on changing the presidential election result to one more to their liking. Same thing happened in 1860. Let’s not let this happen again.”
Rioter proudly carrying the confederate flag in the U.S. Capitol, January 6, 2021.
This development, bad as it is in general, is particularly troublesome for the poor white folks of West Virginia and at least some western Maryland counties, who believe they are part of West Virginia. (Before you say that my characterization of West Virginians is racist, may I say in my defense that I was not only born in West Virginia but was raised in Allegany County, MD—aka eastern West Virginia. Plus, I’m only making generalizations like I was taught.) Luckily, statistics are on my side—West Virginia is 93% white and ranks near the bottom of the 50 states in personal income. So, there’s that.
The problem for West Virginians, unlike citizens of the southern states, is that displaying the confederate flag not only calls into question their loyalty but also their intelligence. During the Civil War, the northern and western counties of Virginia were allowed to leave the confederacy for the union because they could not stomach what the confederacy stood for. (No doubt, irony is now lost.) And just like that, for better or worse, we had West Virginia. But particularly worrisome are those that display their confederate Stars and Bars right beside Old Glory. After all, who in their right mind roots for both Ohio State and Michigan?
So, watch out for this nefarious bill and fight tooth and nail against it. By one count this new law, if passed, could disenfranchise up to 600,000 confederate flag waving, right-leaning West Virginians, which would be enough to turn the state blue! If West Virginia falls, who’s next, Arkansas?
This whole sordid affair is best summed up in this Yiddish phrase my great-grandmother taught me, which lawyers love to use and often appears in court briefs and, unfortunately, the laws of the land—Yad Sloof Lirpa Yppah! This roughly translates to Happy April Fools’ Day!
Former President Trump benefitted from intense, free media coverage.
By Gary Bennett
With former President Trump grudgingly departing the White House and decamping for the friendlier confines of Mar-a-Lago, I think I speak for most Frederick County citizens and certainly all Frederick County democrats by calling on all major media outlets, including this newspaper, to refrain from covering his future attempts at making news just to remain relevant. It’s time we got on to the serious business of this country, and we now have a serious president who will do just that.
Just like a train wreck happening in real time, we had to watch. But no more. The deafening silence you’ve heard since Insurrection Day on January 6 was a president with nothing relevant to say and no social media accounts to say it with. It’s been great. It’s how life used to be in the U.S. For you youngish readers, this may be hard to believe but in the old days – back to at least 2016 – we could go weeks without hearing from the president. I submit that’s how it should be. We should be able to trust the fact that the president is hard at work for the American people, and there is no need to rile us up at every turn.
Can there be any doubt that Mr. Trump will ignore the tradition that calls for former presidents to keep their mouths shut for a while so a new president can get his footing and a fair chance at governing without constant second-guessing and backbiting? It would be a major upset if Mr. Trump found this religion, but I wouldn’t bet on it. So, if he won’t do it willingly, we must do it for him. All media have a starring role to play. Social media has started the job; traditional media must now finish it. The AP and UPI will continue to submit stories about his latest outrage no doubt, but there is no reason this newspaper should pick them up. I hope that’s what happens.
You have to go all the way back to Herbert Hoover in 1933 before you can find an ex-president who just couldn’t let go. Just like Mr. Trump, Mr. Hoover didn’t know just how out of touch and out of his depth he was. He soon realized how foolish he was as the New Deal kicked in and the economy began to recover. Unfortunately, Mr. Trump does not suffer from any pesky self-awareness.
The last two one-term presidents who lost their reelection bids showed us the true meaning of grace and patriotism by putting country before their own bruised egos. Mr. Carter in 1981 and Mr. GHW Bush in 1993 went on to serve their countries with distinction in their post-presidencies, and in at least the former’s case, went on to greater acclaim as a past-president than president.
I know it won’t be easy to wean ourselves off of Mr. Trump. He has been like catnip to us and to the nightly talking heads, social media giants, and print publishers. Ratings are up. Clicks are up. Readership is up. He couldn’t stand not to be in the spotlight, and good or bad, that’s where he put himself. Constantly.
But, I’m asking, no pleading, to give him no air now. We are exhausted. Oh, he’ll threaten, but I doubt Mr. Trump will run again in 2024 even if he is eligible. There is a reason only one president has served nonconsecutive terms. Grover Cleveland was an anomaly. Former presidents enjoy the post-presidential life of many perks but no responsibilities. Even if Trump doesn’t like retired life, Americans are almost never ready to look again to a vanquished president or nominee. For that reason, democrats will welcome Mr. Trump as the 2024 republican nominee if it comes to that. Only the most weak-minded, politically naïve, easily swayed die-hards with short memories and stars in their eyes will want four more years of constant chaos and mean-spirited politics.
I’ll make one exception to reading about Mr. Trump in the future. I hope newspapers like this one will cover his upcoming civil and criminal legal proceedings completely and fully, including all his outlandish claims that he did nothing wrong and that it was all a hoax despite hours and hours of damning video and his own reprehensible and never ending lies that the election was stolen from him. After his conviction or acquittal, it’s time to move on.
If you agree with me that we could all use a little more courtesy in our lives, then we are indeed fortunate to have right in our midst a bridge that reminds us every day to be just that: courteous.
Frederick’s iconic “Courtesy Bridge” is the one-lane bridge situated on Shookstown Road just to the west of Rosemont Avenue, spanning an unassuming section of Carroll Creek just before it winds itself toward downtown Frederick and fame as the main attraction in Maryland’s second largest city. While many larger bridges are named after politicians or fallen service members, this humble bridge sports a sign at either end designating it the symbol of this noble human trait that may have seen better days.
One-lane bridges aren’t unique to Frederick County or any other country setting, for that matter. Frederick County has more than its share sprinkled throughout. What makes this one-lane bridge unique is its location. It is smack dab in the middle of Frederick city, connecting the city’s western “Golden Mile” area with Baker Park and its central business district. As you come upon the bridge, it appears to be in a rural section of Frederick, but nothing could be further from the truth. The bridge is just yards away from banks, restaurants, nursing homes, and an imposing Sheetz convenience store.
If you have traveled Shookstown Road, you know the bridge has a long history of people alternating the direction of travel; you go first, then the other side comes across. In this day and age, you might think this is a recipe for disaster. If it is, I haven’t seen it. I estimate I have traversed this bridge over 500 times in my 35 years in Frederick without incident, accident, or even undue delay.
And it’s not just me. According to city police, accidents and incidents at the bridge are exceedingly rare. There have been no documented accidents the last 10 years. It helps that the sight lines are very good. You can see opposing vehicles from over 1,000 feet away. The courtesy signs also help. But we citizens should take some credit, too. Frederick is mostly a polite, progressive city and we show that every day with how we conduct ourselves.
The bridge was built in 1911 when Frederick was a much smaller city and refurbished in 1988. As the city grew, however, engineers did not feel a burning need to enlarge the bridge. In the last few years, however, nearby road improvements have taken some of the traffic load away from the bridge. Still, the bridge successfully handles about 2,100 trips per day according to Frederick’s Street Maintenance Dept.
Things aren’t always courteous on the bridge, of course. Occasionally, manners do go missing. There have been sporadic reports of stare-downs in the middle of the bridge and, on at least one occasion, police were summoned to de-escalate a situation where neither car would budge from the bridge, causing a traffic backup that forced unlucky fellow motorists to have to back up and find another route to their destinations. Driver impairment played a part in this incident.
But consensus holds that these instances are the exception. Residents of the homes lining Shookstown Road near the bridge generally have good things to say. Ariah Holland, who is a frequent walker over the bridge since a sidewalk was added a few years back, appreciates friendly waves from passing motorists. David Maloney, who has lived in his home just yards from the bridge for over 40 years can recall no major problems because of the narrow passage but blames the few accidents he is aware of on speed. “It’s generally understood that you wait your turn although some people still fly if they see the bridge is open.” Phil Pople, who has lived in the area for 25 years, finds the bridge charming and quaint and can recall no serious issues. He does appreciate that recent improvements to nearby roads have decreased traffic on the bridge enough that it is now easy for him to turn into his driveway.
It’s true that we are in fact forced to be courteous at the bridge to some extent in order to minimize the risk of a head on collision. As I recently sat behind a short line of cars waiting to take my turn on the bridge, I got to thinking about forced courtesy. Certainly, it would be better if we could just be courteous on our own, but I suppose being forced to be courteous is better than nothing. So, Frederick, join me at the Courtesy Bridge for a moment of Zen and a friendly wave at your fellow motorists. And don’t forget to take advantage of this rare opportunity to be recognized for your courtesy.
The best thing that could have happened, happened.
This is hard to say as a proud democrat but no, I’m not talking about the election of Joe Biden as 46th president of the United States. I’m referring to the election of a centrist democratic president along with republicans having a good shot of hanging onto a thin majority in the Senate and adding a few more seats in the House. This configuration screams, almost demands, governing from the center and looking for compromise. I believe Mr. Biden has a golden opportunity to do just that. I believe that is where his heart is, and I believe that is where America’s heart really is.
It won’t be easy. There are loud and charismatic voices coming from his left who are just spoiling for a fight and wishing for payback. The same goes for the far right. Some on both sides want to win at all costs. It’s “their way or the highway.” I hope and pray he resists both. I believe most Americans are yearning for government to work together, to find common ground and embrace compromise. These activities should be seen as a badge of honor, not a shortcoming. Mr. Biden is using those words already, and that is a good sign. We should reward politicians who take this stance and marginalize the fringes on both sides who are harming America with their recalcitrance.
Along with the divisive rhetoric, I believe a main reason we have felt so out of sorts the past four years is that Mr. Trump attempted to govern from the hard right, ignoring the 50/50 split in our country. Smart politicians would have held out an olive branch to the other side, and most new presidents do. We got none of that from Mr. Trump. He did not receive a mandate to govern this way, but he gleefully went ahead anyway, enabled by Congressional republicans who could have reigned him in and cheered on by Fox News and his adoring fans, insulting and demonizing his opponents along the way, and by proxy, more than half of America. He has now paid the price for that.
We should never forget that our government was designed by the framers to move ahead slowly, not in fits and starts like we have over the past four years. We’re supposed to compromise. I’m asking this new democratic administration to take a bullet for the good of the country. Don’t think about payback. Think about progress. Mr. Biden is right—we are not enemies. Let’s accept that we all love this country and try to move ahead.
I don’t have a death wish, but I’m always interested in new experiences so being a census taker or “enumerator” in Census Bureau parlance sounded interesting and appealed to my sense of civic duty. And sure, the $21 an hour plus mileage didn’t hurt either. 240,000 of my fellow U.S. citizens joined me as an enumerator in 2020, down by about half from 2010 due to COVID-19.
It is pretty tough work. Not only because of political roadblocks and the current health crisis, but because most people just don’t want to talk to someone knocking at their door. Often times I was sent far from Frederick to work in unfamiliar communities that didn’t have enough census takers. I worked in everything from the blazing hot sun to pouring rain. Census takers are pushed hard by the full-time supervisors, always encouraging us to work fast, “close” cases, and not take no for an answer.
Initially, the work started easy enough—leaving ‘notice of visit’ flyers to those not at home and talking to agreeable people who legitimately overlooked completing the census.
These Notices of Visists are surprisingly effective at getting people to do the census online.
Soon, though, the work became much harder. The remaining people were evasive and not so agreeable. Many claimed to have already done the census online. Census officials assured us this was not the case and encouraged us to keep pushing. I was never sure who to believe. I did push ahead and performed reasonably well, talking many people into doing the census ‘again’ with me because they obviously wanted their voice to be heard. After enumerating these hesitant folks, however, the work became almost impossible. The people left to count obviously didn’t want to be counted. Many were belligerent and threatening.
My most memorable difficult case consisted of residents of a ramshackle townhouse community in Poolesville. I should have known I was in trouble when I read the notes from a fellow enumerator’s previous visit to the address. “I think the people at this place might be crazy. When I knocked on the door, they knocked back even harder.” I was intrigued. No one had enumerated this house and I wanted to be the one who did!
I logged more than 500 miles as a census worker over 6 weeks.
I had an ace in the hole. Census enumerators were allowed to use “proxies” to enumerate hard to complete addresses. Proxies are nearby neighbors who have at least a little information about their neighbors and are willing to tell you what they know. Unfortunately, it was equally clear in the notes that nearby neighbors might not be so willing to comment on these people either. “I don’t want to get involved,” “I’ve never talked to those people,” “They are not very friendly,” read some of the additional notes.
Undeterred, I strode up to the house and knocked. No answer. I knocked again, but this time I could hear people talking behind the door. When I peeked in, a mom and two kids stared back. When I knocked and peeked in a third time they were hiding behind some curtains. As I began to step away to find a neighbor, the man of the house pulled into his parking space. “Get your ass off my property right now and don’t come back or I’ll remove you myself,” he threatened. I assured him I had every right to be on his property, that I was with the Census Bureau and just wanted to know how many people lived at his place. He repeated his threat again as he began to get out of his van. Discretion being the better part of valor, I began to depart. To my relief, he got back in his van and left. As he did, I made sure he saw me walk up to his next-door neighbor’s house. I hoped he knew that we would be talking about him. I finally did get the information I needed and closed the case.
This was my worst brush with a hostile citizen, but there were others nearly as worrisome. One person railed about the poor use of his tax money that kept sending people to his house when he told us over and over that he has done the survey already. Two people were upset that Trump wanted to deport them even though they were here legally. An older gentleman offered “I’ve never done the census in my life. Maryland has been gerrymandered to death. That’s why I’m moving.” One young fellow at a new development used his Ring doorbell to size me up and said “You people need to quit hounding us. Nobody cares about this crap.” And, as I left one proxy who provided info on his townhouse neighbor, I could see the neighbor running out of his home and berating the proxy for provided any information at all.
The census app was extremely intuitive and well done. It guided our conversations as we entered data and completed the census with citizens on the fly.
It wasn’t all bad, though. One nice older gentleman in Dickerson wanted to talk about how the census helped us during the Revolutionary War. One fellow came running out of his house to give me a bottle of water. One little girl did the same with a popsicle at the behest of her dad. One scantily clad woman answered the door and made no effort to cover up. We didn’t cover that in training.
I am not sure why so many people were upset about completing the census, but I suspect it didn’t help that the president chose to make the census political and that a public health crisis was raging at the time. Completing a decennial census is in the Constitution.
Even so, the presidential attacks came in waves. First, Trump directed his Commerce secretary to add a citizenship question to the survey after months of planning and testing and just before the instrument was to be rolled out. That ploy lost in the courts. Next, he directed other federal agencies to share data with the Census Bureau so that “no undocumented aliens would be counted.” This was despite the fact the Constitution calls for the counting of every person residing in the country regardless of legal status. This one lost in the courts, too. And finally, he required the Census Bureau to finish field operations by September 30. This was after his own Commerce Department requested a three-month extension to December 31 in order to accommodate complications caused by the coronavirus pandemic. The House even passed a bill mandating the three-month extension, but it died in the Senate as most things do now. Again, the courts had to come to the rescue. A federal judge recently issued a restraining order halting the winding down of operations in September and resetting it to October 31. Census enumerators were finally directed to cease work on October 5.
I was never really worried about COVID-19, but perhaps I should have been. All enumerators were issued masks and required to wear them. But it did not occur to many of my interviewees to don them while standing face-to-face at close quarters with a stranger for ten minutes. I can’t say that I blame them. After all, they were responding spur of the moment from their own homes. As I write this, I have been a former census enumerator for over two weeks and feel fine. I might be lucky. I worked for the Census Bureau for about six weeks and had over 500 brief contacts and about 250 full interviews with strangers. I was very appreciative to those few who did wear a mask but could never bring myself to ask them to go get one. Respondents, however, were not shy about citing COVID-19 to keep me away. That excuse was used 20 times with me.
Despite a late start because of COVID and political interference, most parts of America are doing well. As of late August, about 65 percent of households had self-reported. An additional 30 percent have been enumerated by personal interviews from folks like me. The remaining five percent will be completed by the very best census enumerators, full-time census employees, and data from publicly available sources. By the time you read this, America will be very near to 100 percent complete.
Maryland is well above average among U.S. states, and Frederick County is in the top tier of reporting counties in Maryland. The latest data show Maryland at number 10 of the 50 states, D.C., and Puerto Rico in self reporting at 70.3 percent. Minnesota leads the way at 75 percent. Portions of the south including Arkansas, South Carolina, Mississippi, Louisiana, and West Virginia bring up the rear, averaging between 55 and 60 percent. Average education levels within states mirror census response. A spokesperson for the Census Bureau cites lack of knowledge about the importance and safety of the census for people not responding. As of September 15, 98.1 percent of residences in Fredrick County have been completed, placing us among the top five Maryland counties.
Our conspicuous census bags helped to identify us as we stood on porches.
If there is one word that defines the Trump presidency, it would have to be ‘hoax.’ I’m not talking about his presidency itself. That has been all too real. I’m talking about all the wild, outlandish tricks and pranks that have been perpetrated on this poor man in just four short years.
The president, for his part, has not missed a chance to call our attention to a veritable smorgasbord of hoaxes that have befallen him. He has used this humble word to describe everything from the deadly dual poxes of climate change and coronavirus to Russian election meddling and Bountygate. Even when the damaging words come right from the president’s own mouth – Ukrainian phone call, disparaging war heroes, and grabbing female body parts – he has called on this once-obscure word to assure Americans that all is well except when his enemies are putting words in his mouth and disrespecting America.
But, why the word ‘hoax’? The president could have used longer or less dated words like conspiracy, scheme, ruse, or collusion (okay, that one’s been taken.) I believe Mr. Trump keeps returning to the word because it is simple, understandable, and even a little bit old-fashioned. Hoax is a derivation of the Latin word ‘hocus’ as in the fun phrase ‘hocus pocus’. Hocus refers to a conjurer or juggler. Hocus pocus refers to deceiving with a fabrication, lie, or misdirection. A close word cousin to hoax is ‘hokey’, which means lame, strange or odd. Knowing this, is it any wonder Mr. Trump is drawn to this word, subconsciously or otherwise?
Of course, none of the hoaxes I mentioned previously sound like much fun, and indeed they haven’t been; not to the intended target, POTUS himself, and certainly not to the American people who’ve had to incessantly ponder who would do such things to the leader of the free world, or more perplexingly, who has the time to think up these elaborate ruses.
It wasn’t always this way. Hoaxes used to conjure up feelings of fun and frivolity. Remember the classic one where college engineering students disassemble the dean’s car and reassemble it on top of the administration building? Or, how about the truly great Orson Welles War of the Worlds broadcast in the 1930s? After the hysteria died down, folks hailed this hoax as a masterpiece. Bigfoot? Crop circles? Jackalope? Loch Ness Monster? Paul is dead? All of these thoughtful hoaxes took time, planning, patience, and a certain genius to fool the media, crowds, and even the military. But when everything turned out to be harmless and entertaining, it was a thing of beauty. Coronavirus and Russian election meddling? Not so much.
But just like crying wolf, crying hoax can be too much of a good thing. According to Twitter and Factbase, Mr. Trump has publicly used the word over 600 times during his three and a half years as president. There is nothing else even remotely close. Not ‘policy’, ‘serve’, ‘protect’, or even ‘American people’. It’s almost a verbal tic at this point, predictably coming out of his mouth at the first sign of trouble.
But political scientists will invariably tell you that repetition of this word serves to portray Mr. Trump as a victim and an everyman victim at that. This has become a very effective part of his brand – an ‘us versus them’ mentality. It allows him to avoid explaining complicated issues by simply dismissing them out of hand, which is something Mr. Trump must do since he is demonstrably incapable of defending any challenge in a thoughtful and analytical way. The goal, of course, is to make himself the only credible authority, and it works like a charm with a sizable segment of America. For the rest of us, we’re left with that niggling, bothersome thought in the corner of our minds that perhaps there are no facts and nothing can be trusted. The president knows this all too well, and to the detriment of everything else, uses it to his advantage as no one before. After all, if nothing can be trusted, nothing can be changed. And if nothing can be changed, how can you change the president?
Always the butt of the joke, Mr. Trump nevertheless plies his hand at hoaxes, too. Unfortunately for him, but perhaps good for the country, he is not very good at it. In fact, he has a perfect losing record when it comes to hoaxes. Remember the oldies but goodies that Mr. Obama was born in Kenya and that Ted Cruz’s father assisted with the JFK assassination? To his credit, he keeps trying. Mail-in voting fraud, Harris’s ineligibility to run because of her Asian Indian roots, and wacky QAnon conspiracies are still on the front burner and simmering away.
The president operates at a level mere mortals just can’t understand.
What with the raging pandemic, struggling economy, and racial injustice, you’d think that would be more than enough on the plate of any president. Ahh, but we don’t have just any president. We are blessed with a president who is more than willing and able to handle any issue, large or small, that can benefit from his attention. And that is most of them!
Consider this: You watched in awe as our scholarly president straightened us all out on the need to leave those confederate statues alone because, you know, they represent our glorious past. You giggled nervously with delight as he upbraided NASCAR and that ungrateful Bubba Wallace for having the temerity to find a noose in his garage and then make everyone aware of it. You could hardly believe your eyes when he came to the rescue of Goya beans, who any cook worth their salt will tell you is the most excellent, right-leaning bean available and the only one worthy of display in the oval office. And you thanked your lucky stars when he, perhaps most creatively of all, brought to light the brilliant musings of the most underutilized political analyst of our time, fellow game show host Chuck Woolery of the middling 90’s TV show, Love Connection.
Pure genius. We don’t have to understand.
But like any other superhero working today such as Captain America or Tucker Carlson, our president handles so many things humbly and out of sight that even he forgets about them. So, as a public service and to recognize our selfless leader who would not want to bother your feeble minds with such trivialities, I present here the other issues he won’t let go of, I mean, is handling on our behalf.
Since Black Lives Matter is obviously a hate symbol, the movement will hereby be referred to as ‘Stupid Is as Stupid Does.’ (The president is currently trying to locate Forrest Gump to reserve all rights.)
As a nod to Native Americans and a sly reference to a healthy spray-on tan, all sports teams currently using Indians, Braves, R**skins, or Chiefs will be immediately renamed to Orangemen.
The official list of sh**hole counties will be updated to include those ingrates Mexico, Canada, and EU. EU (pronounced “yew”) is one of those newish countries in Europe that won’t pay their NATO bills.
The president’s new hit action show, Law and Order Portland, starring, well, we’re not sure who’s starring in this, is doing record numbers, the likes of which have never been seen. Unfortunately, Portland’s mayor, who is currently recovering from an accidental lung problem at Portland General, has revoked the filming permit.
In a long overdue tribute to our proud confederate heritage, the big, beautiful Southern border barrier will soon be reconstituted as a ‘stone wall.’
Expert jigsaw puzzle enthusiasts will be contracted to reassemble all confederate statues that have lost their way. No nursing home or third grade class will be spared in this exhaustive search.
Beginning immediately all cancer and heart disease screenings in America will be curtailed. We learned our lesson with all those COVID-19 tests that made us look so bad! Hair loss screenings exempted, of course.
As a measure to keep attendance at a reasonable level, all frat boy COVID-19 parties will be moved to Mondays since nothing much goes on that night anyway.
All future redactions in subpoenas, indictments, telephone call logs, and presidential daily briefings will change from black to white, because, well, you know.
In a related move, white out will be made mandatory at all secretarial schools thereby bringing back good-paying manufacturing jobs to produce this handy, underutilized product.
Vladimir Putin will be issued immediately a lifetime frequent traveler’s pass to Mar-a-Lago with the presidential suite renamed in his honor.
In a related move and after a long negotiation, Bounty paper towels will be named official paper towel of the Taliban. They will be shipped to Russia who will make sure they are received in Afghanistan in a timely manner.
Black Flag will be retired as official pesticide of the White House grounds, because of, well, you know. Plus, the lingering residue keeps Stephen Miller from getting to work on time.
Governors Ducey, Abbott, and DeSantis will be named governors for life in Arizona, Texas, and Florida, respectively. The president really likes the hilarious ‘Who’s on First’ routine the Texas governor performs with that fat guy Costello.
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg is hereby ordered to immediately undergo experimental COVID-19 testing as a service to her country. What, too soon? She’s in the hospital all the time anyway!
Quaker Oats Company and MARS, Inc., respectively, have been ordered to leave lovable brands Aunt Jemimah pancake mix and Uncle Ben’s converted rice alone in order to preserve America’s proud carbohydrate heritage.
To improve efficiency, all elementary, middle and high school back-to-school nights will now be relocated to the nearest urgent care clinic.
Along with Ghislaine Maxwell, the president is proud to pass along his best wishes to Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Prince Andrew, Tik-Tok’s Faizal Siddiqui, congressional powerhouses Ted Yoho and Louis Gohmert, and all former White House aides currently spending time in prison.
In an effort to broaden the number and types of medical voices heard on the current pandemic hoax, the president will not only listen to the crazy lady witch doctor from Texas but also Doogie Howser, MD, Bones McCoy, and Dr. Dre.
Teddy Roosevelt’s nose and eyeglasses will be slightly relocated at Mount Rushmore to make room for any future presidents who find themselves out of work, indicted, and in need of a little pick me up.
Along with moving Election Day from November 3rd, New Year’s Day will move to May 1st to take advantage of better weather and Columbus Day to December 25th to give it the attention it deserves. Juneteenth and MLK Day are hereby scrapped.
Last but not least, last-century game show icons Bob Eubanks, Wink Martindale, and the late Tom Kennedy will join Chuck Woolery as informal “kitchen cabinet” advisors to the president. And, since we’re talking kitchen cabinets, Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor is under consideration as well.
Goya Beans are excellent, beautiful beans and the only ones worthy of display on the resolute desk.
